Emails from crazies

I wouldn't normally deign to post about the psycho emails I used to get (funny how getting fired from being a sex columnist pretty much puts a halt to that), but since my friend Michael Malice has launched his excellent site Worst Email Ever, I've let him do it for me. Here's a snippet:

I think that fine chocolate is for women, candy is for kids; cupcakes are for birthdays, and while light spanking during some forms of sex, doggie-style of course, is de rigueur, doesn’t the spanking shit cross the line to punishment and abuse? I think it just might. I dated a hot fashionista, and all she wanted was the spanking, right from the get-go. Turned out she had been horribly sexually abused as a child. I’ve played every game and fantasy and had all the porn sex you can imagine, a threesome with a blonde and a brunette remains a classic, along with a couple of superstars in the boudoir, and they were great outside of it as well, but among all the women the past twenty years or so in this wonderful, hateful city the only times I’ve been turned off have been these: if she’s heavier than me, she’ll crush me when she’s on top, and why do I have to hit you to turn you on, and please, shaved pussies are for pedophiles. That’s just my take on it. Ask yourself (or tell me): Why does a man have to hit you? Why do you have to be hit? We men love to toss you around in the sack, tug on your hair, tell you what to do, bring you to orgasm, take our own. But with the shaving and the candy and the cupcakes and the babyfat and the spanking, I mean…does that sound childlike? I could be wrong.

read the rest of my worst email ever