The ultimate honor

Sometimes I try and try and try to find the "right" words and never quite do. So in the interest of expressing something rather than nothing, I'll just say that in the advance copy of the very last Best American Erotica that will be published, Best American Erotica 2008, Susie Bright includes a list of the last 15 years' most influential erotica editors and publishers. I'm so honored to be on it amongst so many names, some who are my peers, some pioneers like Susie. I saw that and just marveled because the girl I was, and though an adult, I really was a girl, reading Susie's work in college in 1997 and 1998 could never have envisioned herself here. Ever. I was too shy/awkward/geeky/angry. Too immersed in other people's politics to figure out my own viewpoints. Too isolated and uncertain and scared. I continue to think it was moving to New York, to the vicious brutality of my own lacking that was NYU Law School juxtaposed with the beauty and glamour of just walking around New York City and discovering new things every day, that brought me out of my shell. Albeit, brought me out of law school too, but as sucky as it is to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for nothing, it's so worth it. I say that both as a statement, and to remind myself not to berate my silly 20-year-old naive self.

I'm so thrilled to be part of this world that is so much larger than me, that dates back way farther than Best American Erotica, and most especially, that is about getting off, but about so much more than that. It's that same sense of community I feel about my reading series. It's been a very "pinch me" surreal day, and this was just part of it. Feels like the tide is finally turning and the end, but also, the beginning are in sight.