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Saturday, June 16, 2007

Things I Could Never Put in a Personal Ad

Things I Could Never Put in a Personal Ad

I want to know what kinds of vitamins you take, and how often.
I want to know how you sleep when you’re alone.
I want to know about the last time you cried, and why.
I want to know how you react when babies make funny faces at you.
I want to know what you do when your world feels like it’s collapsing.
I want to know if you’ve ever shredded any documents.
I want to know what you think about when you jerk off.
I want to know if you screen your calls.
I want to know what your favorite item of clothing is.
I want to know your biggest vice.
I want to have silly, private jokes that would never make sense to anyone else.
I want to watch you sleep.
I want to send you cards, just because.
I want to know how often you look at yourself in the mirror.
I want to know if you have any tattoos, and if you don’t, if you’ve come close to getting one.
I want to know who’s broken your heart the most intensely, and whether you still think about them.
I want to know what your drug (illegal or otherwise) of choice is.
I want to know what it’s like to kiss you for hours.
I want to watch you flirt (not with me).
I want to know your favorite restaurant.
I want to meet your oldest friends and hang out with them alone and grill them about you.
I want to see your yearbook photo.
I want to know the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone.
I want to know if you have a five-year plan (even though I kindof hope you don’t).
I want to know if you already have the names of your kids picked out.
I want to know your favorite household chore.
I want to know if you have a favorite sex toy.
I want to know your favorite dirty word.
I want to know things I couldn’t think to ask until I look into your eyes.

2 Comments:

At June 16, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is why i read this blog. Because, for some reason IU haven't yet bothered to wrap my head around yet, you always say something i was either thinking about saying or might have already said. Thank you ma'am.

P.S. if you ever want to have your ass kicked in the gym suggest these sometime: Wave Squats.

 
At June 17, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those have given me a few ideas for my own personal ad...which is a good thing as the current one doesn't seem to be attracting much interest...

 

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