The stupidity of "single"

Something about this MSN “Single Folks’ Hall of Fame” bothers me. I was trying to figure out what it was and then I realized: a) not everyone on the list is someone I’d consider “single” (Oprah? What?) and b) Do we really need that much cheerleading before we realize it’s okay to be single?

Your own firsthand experience has undoubtedly acquainted you with some of the benefits of flying solo. “When you don’t have that automatic Friday night date, it’s a push to go out and figure out what gets you excited,” explains Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “It’s good to have the time to figure out what you love to do outside of work and romantic relationships.”

But if you’re not a believer yet, then look at these seven amazing singles. From celebrities you may not have guessed were unattached to ordinary people doing extraordinary things, our Single Hall of Famers prove that you don’t have to be hitched to have a happy ending.

I think there’s two very different versions of “single” that get thrown around a lot and it’s confusing, because here, “single” means unmarried, but in regular life, “single” means not dating anyone seriously. I mean, is Oprah “single” and on the market? No. It’s like when they run articles about “single” moms and really they’re just in long-term, unmarried relationships. Who really thinks of single in those terms? Nobody I know.

When I look up “single” on Amazon, I find books like Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent by Judy Ford and Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling by Jen Schefft.

In a way, all the efforts to tell single people that it’s “okay” only serve to highlight how much it’s not okay. (I have not read either of these books, or Bella DePaulo’s Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, though the latter does look interesting, I'm just way behind on my reading.) I think it should be obvious that for some people, singledom is about “finding yourself” and is a welcome thing and for some it’s not so welcome and most of us probably vacillate between the two at various times. There’s probably a “grass is always greener” element to being coupled or singled but this nonsense about single meaning “unmarried” and rah-rah attitude (always directed at women) is really tiring. Really. Tiring. I’d so much rather listen to “Single Girl” by Lush than ponder the tedious issue of whether being single is “okay.”