Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Cowboy erotica call for submissions - due Friday!

FYI - this is not my project (though you will be seeing at least one call for submissions from me very soon) and the deadline is this Friday! That's all I know - everything else is below. I may even get crazy and try my hand at a cowboy story, which I've resisted every other time a cowboy call has gone around, but we shall see if my creativity can extend that far into something I know very little (aka nothing) about.


Cecilia Tan and Lori Perkins return to the erotic
anthology plane with EROTIC COWBOY STORIES. As with
THE MILF ANTHOLOGY, Tan and Perkins capture the
American Zeitgeist on the heels of Brokeback
Mountain and HBO's acclaimed series Deadwood.

The lone figure riding the range or exploring the
frontier of the Wild West is an enduring, iconic
American figure and an indisputably erotic one. The
cowboy lives by his own rules, embodies masculinity,
and let's not forget the leather and boots...!

We will be seeking mostly heterosexual stories but
would not be averse to a few that use genderfuck or
homoerotic themes as well. Alternate history and
fantastic takes on the cowboy image will also be
considered. Stories should be between 2000 and 8000
words. Pay will be made on publication and will
average about $100 per story.

No reprints unless you can prove the previous
appearance was quite obscure.

Submissions should be made electronically to We can accept attachments
and can handle most common formats.

DEADLINE is NOVEMBER 15, 2006. Book will be
published by Avalon Publishing Group in 2007.

Editorial Tips: No rape, racism, underage
characters, or bestiality please. We like stories
with some plot to them, where the sex is entwined
with a plot that goes beyond "two people meet, they
have sex," although a really good backstory can
achieve the same thing. Lively, intriguing, and
fully developed characters excite us. Lay off the
-ly adverbs and we'll be very happy.

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Figleaf naked folding laundry...and other random thoughts

Folding Laundry 049
Originally uploaded by Figleaf.
Figlead wrote about the whole NSFW thing and linked to this Flickr set of him naked folding laundry with the tagline:

I'm still not sure what the big deal is but lots of people say the sexiest thing a man can do is fold laundry. I'm testing this hypothesis. :-)

I have to say, I have never understood the whole "the sexiest thing you could do is wash the dishes/take out the garbage/do the laundry/etc." way of thinking. Granted, I have never lived with anyone and, well, I'm a huge slob to put it very, very, very mildly (and yes, I know some of you are awaiting photos of my apartment and you will just have to keep waiting, sorry). But now it's just me and I kinda like it that way, well, I actually want to clean up but I want to do it in my own way. But I still can't imagine saying that "the sexiest thing" a guy could do is some chore. It might be the thing I (or whoever) most want them to do but the equation of it with sexiness, even if done naked, just doesn't really fit for me. Now, what would be the sexiest thing a guy could do, that I will have to ponder.

Not really related but oh well (am I ever totally on topic here?)...I do have to say that I finally finished this 4,000 word short story, the one from the guy's POV that I was really laboring over. Well, it's done and it's hot, which is good for my story but seriously, uh, served its purpose. I almost never get turned on writing my own stories; I'm too much of a workaholic/nerd for that and it seems so narcissistic somehow. I blush when I read certain stories of mine but I think because this one was sortof personal but then went off in a really weird, fictional, crazy direction, that took some of that away. We shall see, but I was just happy to complete something. It's amazing to me just how much dirtier I can write as a guy. And maybe it's not even "dirtier" it's just a different mindset when I write, and I don't know what that says about men's and women's thinking about sex beyond my little example but it's true for me.

So many new projects I want to start but am wrapping up the old ones, all at once, it seems. It'll be good next week when the bulk of the work is done; right now these various anthologies are in the half-formed, murky, could-go-like-this-or-could-go-like-that stage. Also, some very good news to be announced...someday. At the snail's pace publishing moves, especially post-AMS, I could be 32 but suffice it to say, it's happy news.

In not so happy news, thanks to this AMS debacle, my He's on Top and She's on Top books, which I am more excited about than any of my previous ones (they're all my babies but really, these are so yummy), will not be available as kinky Valentine's Day gifts as I'd originally intended. If all goes according to plan, they will be available in late March which pushes back the virtual book tour I'm planning (anyone part of that, stay tuned for details but we're moving it to April) but I have no fear that once the hotness hits the shelves, people will buy them. I'm starting to realize that's all I can do, and this is a prime example of where that whole Serenity Prayer philosophy, which, at the moment, is as close as I get to actual prayer, comes into play.

I had a panic attack, or a close approximation of one, last night. I just walked into this bar to play Boggle and freaked out and went to the bathroom and almost cried but then I just got myself together and went back upstairs and had dinner and played my favorite game and got to catch up with the amazing Melissa Sands (need a food - or other - photographer? She's your girl). So maybe I need to just focus on the positive, as much as that often feels like wrenching my brain out of the negative by force.

"Cupcakes Are Back," Daily News-Record

I love doing press for the cupcake blog but I have to say, sometimes I just get stumped. I don't want to throw out some reason I think cupcakes are so popular when all it is is an educated guess. I like that they're so popular (we have been inundated with news of new bakery openings) but whether it's sex or cupcakes, I never want to act like I know what I'm talking about when I don't. Hence, my answers.

My fellow cupcake blogger Allison and I are quoted in this article in the Daily News-Record from Harrisonburg, VIrginia:

"Cupcakes Are Back: Taste of Childhood Returns With Grown-Up Flavors"

Rachel Kramer Bussel, a New York-based journalist, founded a blog called "Cupcakes Take The Cake" in late 2004.

The blog, which has recipes, links to cupcake-only bakeries and photos of lavishly decorated dwarf desserts, has "taken off," she says.

Bussel has even interviewed singer Lisa Loeb — who you might remember for her signature tortoise-shell cat-eye glasses and the song "Stay," a #1 hit in 1994 — for the blog. (Loeb, in case you’re wondering, is very picky about the amount of icing on her cupcakes, and is fond of baking banana cupcakes with orange and kumquat cream cheese icing).

Bussel doesn’t like to call cupcakes trendy because it implies the frenzy will die down at some point.

"But there is sort of a buzz about cupcakes," she said. "It’s not just the big cities anymore, it’s other places too."

Bussel says it’s hard to put your finger on what, exactly, is driving the cupcake craze.

Having your own, individual portion of cake is appealing to some people, she says, as is the relatively cheap price and the wide variety of fun flavors.

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Dating and other catastrophes

This Washington Post essay has almost scared me away from ALL dating, let alone Internet dating (which I still haven't tried just yet). "If you don't receive flowers by the fourth date, dump him." WTF? No no no no no. And believe me, I get that this woman has been through tough times, so have I, as I wound up pouring out to my friend on the train last night (and to this blog). But there is no one size fits all rule that men or women should follow that will work for everyone. Me? Rather than flowers which will wither and die and need to be thrown out of my apartment, I'd rather someone make me laugh. Not from a cheesy joke or practiced line or lame come-on but just from being themselves. From teasing me in all my quirks, from actual life experience and personality. Say something that I will remember even if things don't work out between us. Tell me something I have never heard before. Those things are way more valuable to me than flowers or any of the things I feel like we're "supposed" to want. More and more I realize that I don't have hard and fast rules for the "type" of person I want to meet, and I don't just mean that in terms of looks. I mean that there are so many unknown factors, and we're all unique, and that's the part that I'm looking for from someone I date, the part that I can't name on a checklist, the part that I don't know in advance, the part that in a million years I'd never identify as being the trait of someone I'd want to date, until I meet that person. I'm still figuring out who I am and feel so ready to make major life changes. Maybe not right this second, but in a year or two. Maybe I'll want to leave my beloved New York or open a bakery or who knows what. I don't know and that unknown, mysterious factor is what keeps me from not being too cynical.

But making it sound like it's only women who get the short end of the dating stick, so to speak, only serves to further alienate men and women. I would imagine that all the same opportunities to utilize Match or whatever service for honest or dishonest purpose are available to women too. I think it's hard enough to be single and trying to communicate honestly and openly with people without all these walls we put up, and there I'm talking about myself as much as this author. Of course it's hard not to be cynical when this, that and the other thing has happened to you but...if you go into every dating situation thinking your date could very well be like the total jerk you dated before, I don't know, but that doesn't seem like a very positive approach. I hate hate hate the mindset that assumes that what's happened before will happen again. Try reading this woman's blog for some perspective.

I will say that for me, as down as I can get about it, I can easily be brought back into myself by the prospect of meeting somoene new and real and, to me probably the greatest quality of all, unique. Unique as in unforgettable because the fact is, I've dated people who are so forgettable I've pretty much forgotten about them. It's not that I magically forget about everyone that's come before but at the end of the day, I have to ask myself what holding onto all that anger is me. Not to anyone else but to me, how it's affecting my day-to-day mindset, why I'm still caring about something that's actually ancient history. I don't want to approach a potential new relationship with my heart so sealed off I am only presenting part of myself. Even when I've tried to do that, it just doesn't work. I'm either there, fully engaged, or I'm not. And as risky as the former is, the latter just isn't worth it to me.

Even for the people who've broken my heart, I think almost worse than that would be this mindset of treating every woman (or man) exactly the same as you did the last one. Maybe some people can do that, but I can't. But I think this is a sympton of the ways women especially are so suspicious of men when it comes to dating. Example A: Don't Date Him Girl. (Which I won't link to directly but is quite easy to find. And apparently I haven't really kept up with all the press on, because I was quoted in this Miami New Times article about the site.) I had planned to revisit this issue with the Voice but do not worry, I will at some point, though by now I think that mindset and that site in particular have become so entrenched, despite the lawsuit against them and the many voices protesting its validity and usefulness, that it's not going away. But lesson to Tasha Joseph, to me at my worst moments, and to anyone else who thinks the internet is this vast wasteland of vitriol and schadenfreude: lashing out in anger because of something someone wrote about you, and doing so in a public forum, may not the best option. Yes, I've done it, but I find it interesting that those remarks she made about me on her blog do live on. They don't really bother me on a personal level because I stand by what I wrote but is another lesson to me in channeling one's anger into productivity rather than into simple vindictiveness.

That's not to say I don't have those urges. For instance, I know who S. dated before me and I would love to call her up and bitch about him but a) I think that'd make me look crazy since we don't even live in the same city, and really, she's probably long over him, as I should be and am well on my way to being, and b) I actually always thought she sounded like a really fascinating person, so if our paths ever do cross, why tarnish any potential friendship with that? I feel like the DDHG people made it sound like I didn't understand the impulse behind wanting that kind of revenge and my answer is of course I do. But that doesn't make it right, fair, or even logical.

Check out what Virginia Vitzthum had to say (I found the WaPo essay from her link)


Eat cupcakes with us on Saturday!

Join our Cupcakes Take the Cake Meetup Group and then come eat cupcakes with us this Saturday! These will be happening monthly so if you can't make it, sign up and you'll get a monthly reminder about our visits to various NYC bakeries.

Saturday, February 3, 2007, 2:00 PM

Crumbs Bake Shop
37 East 8th Street
New York , NY 10003

Cupcakes Take The Cake bloggers welcome to our first meet-up of 2007! Cupcake Bakers, cupcake eaters, and cupcake lovers are invited to meet, eat, greet and be sweet.


February 21st reminder

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676

February means love, lust . . . and dirty words! Join Andrew Boyd (Billionaires for Bush, Life’s Little Deconstruction Book), Reen Guierre (Best Women’s Erotica 2007 contributor), D.L. King (The Dominant’s View), and Dahlia Schweitzer (Seduce Me), along with host and curator Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will be celebrating the publication of her kinky new erotica anthologies He’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission and She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission. Free candy and mini cupcakes will be served and erotic books will be given away as door prizes.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Andy Horwitz, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York Magazine, Philadelphia City Paper, Gothamist, and Wonkette. This is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Andrew Boyd is the co-founder of the satirical political campaign Billionaires for Bush and author of several ironically serious (or is it seriously ironic?) books: Daily Afflictions⎯The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe and Life's Little Deconstruction Book⎯Self-Help for the Post-Hip, both from W.W.Norton. He's at work on two others, from which he will read tonight.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations, conducts interviews for and, and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have been published in over 80 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and she’s edited 13 erotica anthologies, including Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2. Her latest kinky anthologies, He’s on Top and She’s on Top, will be published in February 2007 by Cleis Press. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Reen Guierre (pronounced Gee, hard G + air, accent on air) is a typical MILF (look it up) whose story, “To Serge (soft g) With Love,” made it into Best Women’s Erotica 2007. If you want to preview the story, check out Amazon’s Look Inside feature⎯if it hasn’t been censored by the time you read this. Another couple of her stories can be found on the internet in their entirety. The weirdest thing about writing are these bios, which are traditionally in third person, so I’ll just say, “I’m looking forward to being in New York again where the people are so nice, they won’t hesitate to yell at you if they think it will help.”

D. L. King lives somewhere between The Big Wheel at Coney Island and The Chrysler Building and has a passion for roasted chestnuts sold on the street, as long as they aren’t burnt. When they are, she’d like to roast some nuts herself. Her first novel, The Melinoe Project, has just been accepted for publication. Find stories by D. L. King in print from Justus Roux, in e-book by Logical Lust and on line at The Dominant's View and Inky Blue Allusions.

Dahlia Schweitzer spent most of her life in New York and Tel Aviv, where she lived, loved, and worked as a writer, artist, and photographer. But it was in Berlin where she found fame, transforming herself into a singing, dancing, stripteasing queen of electrocabaret. Now Dahlia lives in Los Angeles, just in time to celebrate the publication of her first American publication, Seduce Me. These erotic short stories recount illicit affairs, intimate secrets, forbidden passions, and obsessive hungers⎯and the sad, funny, startling, revelatory places our sexual desires can take us.


My interview with Neal Pollack about Alternadad at Mediabistro

I interviewed Alternadad author Neal Pollack for Mediabistro's Book Keeping section. Here's my intro (you have to be a member of Avantguild, MB's membership program, to read the whole thing, sorry):

With his first memoir, Alternadad (Pantheon, January 2007), hipster author Neal Pollack, best known for works like and The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature and Nevermind the Pollacks, chronicles his shift to settling down and becoming a dad without completing losing his identity. He also covers his post-baby pot use, concert-going, culinary adventures, vacations and travel. Money plays a major role in the book, from the stress of supporting three people on a writer's irregular salary to finding affordable schooling for his son, Elijah.

Pollack takes readers through the early stages of his courtship with his artist girlfriend, and later wife, Regina, their decision to have a child, and the various surprises in store for them once they take the plunge. From his son's hospital visits, ongoing musical education and nutritional molding (McDonald's, he's told, means "yucky food") to Pollack's attempts to clean up his Austin, Texas, neighborhood, find a new, affordable, and safe place to live (ultimately settling in Los Angeles), and navigating the ups and downs of new parenthood,
Alternadad provides glimpses of Pollack's own childhood as well as the many things he's had to learn -- about his son and himself -- since becoming an Alternadad. Here he debunks the myth that just because you write for Vanity Fair, you've got it made, advises authors on how to cut corners on their book tours, and gives an update on the status of what could be Alternadad: The Movie.

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Sugasmic again

Sugasm #64

Mon 29th Jan, 07

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #65? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Arrogant Penis (

“When I start to relax, adrift in the warm comfy seas of a powerful orgasm, my body slackening (and lord knows how my face looks), aware of nothing but how fabulous this is and ready to ride the waves into slumber, he doesn’t stop.”

Bewitch Me! (

“I’m big enough to pin you down while I move my hands up and down the sides of your body, feeling its contours beneath the black fabrics you so favor.”

Unicorn Sighting, Part II (

“There was one man in the very front of the theatre who didn’t give a damn who heard him moan as he came.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

The High Definition Porn Problem (

Editor’s Choice

The Two-Client Day (

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

NSFW Pics (& videos)

Fundoshi and naked Japanese males (

Getting Naked For Justice (

Renee Perez Naked (

You don’t have to be naked… (

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

10 Reasons Why a Spanking Model is Like a Geisha (but not really) (

I got this feeling when I heard your name the other day… (

Pop Quiz: Dating Myth/Reality (

Realization (

So Many Sexy Memories (

Thoughts on virginity (

BDSM and Fetish

Demented Game (

Four poster beds (and one spanked bottom) (

Greta: An Erotic Lingerie Story (

Happy HNT - Fetish boots and whip (

I Had a Dream (

Meeboguest confesses: “I have been a bad boy” (

Plotting My Next Tryst Part IV (

Realization (

Red Satin Bustier (

Sex News, Reviews and Interviews

Product Review - iBuzz (

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Beautiful Cock (

Bend Over The Chair Part 2 (

Bewitch Me! (

Caught in a Dream (

Countdown pt. 2 (

Exploring, Experimenting and Losing Control (

Forbidden Fruit is in Season (

His Turn Now (Part III)–Driving (

The Itch, Part The Fourth (

Me, her, and him 5 (

Reminiscing (

Squirting like never before (

Sucking Cock (

Unicorn Sighting, Part II (

Luscious Renee Perez courtesy of ErotiCandy Blog.

LoveHoney UK sex toys shop - low prices, free delivery

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Monday, January 29, 2007

To read: Bad Lesbian Dates, sex toy shopping, Tourette's cupcakes and sex addiction

Bad Lesbian Dates - I don't know who this is (though maybe I do, but not yet) but I love this blog already. Here's a snippet:

I am 30, a lesbian and have been looking for a girlfriend for 6 months now. I find girls mostly online and at dating events.

Here are the highlights of my recent dating history:

* Got stood up at the Museum of Modern Art. When I tried to call to find out what happened, got a man's voice on the message. Also got nauseous.
* Had two dates with girls who were looking down their noses at me the whole time. One I saw at a dating event and she ignored me, didn't even acknowledge that we had met before. Bitch.
* Got picked up at Henrietta Hudson's by a girl who was also trying to pick up another girl at the same time. Multitasking at its most vile.
* Got bored to death on inumerable dates. When lesbians are dull, they are Learning Channel dull.

Seriously, it's a cornucopia of all my pet peeves, dating and otherwise, rolled into one, like not giving a street address. Almost any time someone says "2nd Avenue between 50th and 51st" or whatever, I wind up roaming up and down the street, only to find they've gotten the address wrong. I usually look things up on Citysearch first to make sure I'm marching around, even looking like an idiot, with a piece of paper in my hand. Nothing like getting lost in the city you've lived in for over 10 years. Now I'm actually extra curious so Bad Lesbian Date-goer, email me if you want to say hi.

My favorite dates are super dorky, like playing Boggle, eating cupcakes, going to bookstores, going to the movies, playing bingo, etc. But then again, I am super dorky. My least favorite conversation is the one where I get grilled about why I don't want a drink. You always wind up subtly insulting the person and then they get all defensive and it makes me want to go curl up in bed, alone, with my diet coke. That said, it's kindof fun to be around someone who's getting a little tipsy while you're not; not so much the reverse as the next day you feel like a total idiot remembering all the really idiotic things you did on said date. But my biggest reason not to drink on dates is that drinking invariably makes me horny and my inhibitions in that regard get so lowered I may as well just set up a bar in their bed. I'm saving my occasional forays into drinking for good friends only and trying to get back on track with the no drinking in 2007 resolution. Damn you, Happy Corp. and your free beer! No, really, that's all me. Next time I'm coming armed with a big bottle of diet coke, which I will happily share.

"Sex Toy Shopping Should Be Fun," (via)

Tourette's Cupcakes (I emailed these to some friends saying "So wrong, yet so hilarious")

I'd like to know (and maybe I have to go pitch this piece myself) - when are we going to hear more about Bill Clinton's sex addiction counseling? It's brought up in almost every article about Hillary's presidential run but it seems like we've just scratched the surface of whether he really considers himself a sex addict or not. Slate did pose the question but that's more of an overall look at sex addiction treatments, concluding:

It's hard to say what constitutes recovery from sex addiction. The goal isn't to eliminate sex from your life—although temporary periods of abstinence may be necessary. Some therapists describe it as the difference between alcoholism and social drinking—you're healthy when you can handle moderate amounts in nondestructive ways.


My breasts are not safe for work - welcome to the pink ghetto

Cupcakes and bondage
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
I'll never forget how proud yet also weirded out I was when my best friend told me her law firm wouldn't let her access my blog. I also remember well when Tripod just wiped out my old site,, because I had some inappropriate photos on there. That made me determined to stick photos of my naked body all over my new site. Okay, maybe not all over, but on there somehow. I'm still amused when people tell me they can't access my blog or site from work and now, thanks to Lux Nightmare, that has a term that's especially apropos for this blog: The Pink Ghetto.

I don't preface every single thing I write with NSFW and feel like it's a blessing and a curse. Sure, sometimes I might post a topless photo, but to me, that's my right. It's my blog and I'm not asking or begging or forcing anyone to read it. That's part of why I love it. I do have to say that I have a love/hate relationship with my own x-rated photos, one I've written about. I have my moments where I want to take them all offline just so I don't get another email like this:

Was surfing along and came upon your site. Learned you write eroitica for just about everybody books an all, well I started to rub my cock enjoying, and then saw "photos" also, well when I got to the pic of you with yourhands tied behind your back and your(beautiful) tits hanging out, I started to leak pre-cum while still jerking my cock hmm! don't usually get any cum, cause I'm taking flomax for my prostate and all the cum usually flows inside instead of out. Gonna have to jerk this ol cock off thats for sure, but thanks again. I live not that far from you (nassau cty) if I ever get a chance visit you in queens it would be my delight to give you a licking from head to toe like only an old man could do!8-) Bill

I'm not as horrified as I used to be because yes, I know that if you put up sexy photos of yourself online, people are going to have this reaction and the optimistic and sex-positive part of me doesn't mind as long as they stay safely behind their keyboards. I wish there were a way to block certain things online from certain people, but, alas, there's not, and when it comes to written and photo content of mine, I have to make decisions that sometimes mean people see things I'd rather them not see, but to me, there's a bigger purpose. For me, the photos are there for me first and foremost, to capture a moment, a time, to make me feel good about myself on the days I feel like total crap, like the last few weeks when I've barely been able to drag myself out of bed and feel like I'm living in my once sexy now blanket-like black dress.

Even this photo accompanying this post (my most popular photo on flickr), which doesn't contain nudity, probably isn't "safe for work" in the sense that if your boss sees it, unless you're in some lucky field having to do with bondage or cupcakes, they probably will know you're not working.

Of course, it's kindof exciting to know that some software someone somewhere in some bank or law firm has deemed my words or photos too risque for the workplace. On the other hand, I'm rarely linking to or posting what I consider XXX material. Thankfully, there's such things as RSS feeds and even delayed gratification. I'm not going to say I'm proud to be in the pink ghetto because I think what puts some of us there is a lot of prudery, and the way our culture works is that the things that are in the pink ghetto become more exciting simply by nature of being cloaked in taboo, which, if I'm trying to do anything, is get us out of that mindset. I love to find out things about people's sex lives and thinking about sex that make me see them, and the topic at hand, in a new light, and often I learn about myself that way. It's why I read blogs like Sexerati, it's why I still care even when I sometimes long to move out of New York and go somewhere and become a mommy blogger. But then I come to my senses and realize that New York is probably the only city that would have me, and vice versa, and that I can be a mommy blogger someday and a, well, me blogger. I don't like the label "sex blogger" cause that makes me feel trapped, itchy, bound and not in the good way. Sex fascinates me, sure, but I think "sex" is so much bigger than what we give it credit for. So wherever you're reading this from, thank you, firstly, and I guess thank you too to any business that block me for making your users that much more curious about what's behind the pink door.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Violet Blue hotness and podcast

Originally uploaded by
The fabulous Violet Blue, who was recently named one of Forbes 25 Web Celebs (!!! how freaking awesome is that AND that in her photo, she's holding a cupcake? But we already knew she's a cupcake lover - must get her for an interview at CTTC ASAP), asked if she could read my story "Animals" from Best Women's Erotica 2007 (which she edited) on her Open Source Sex podcast. Of course! She describes it as "a very intense sexual encounter with lots of sweet rough play and spanking." (Please note: it's a fictional story, but still totally hot. Which reminds me I have to get back to this story that is so hot I had to take a break from it, in part cause it was inspired by someone who when I think about them, I utterly lose any ability to do anything but masturbate. Gotta be a good sign for the story, right?) Listen to Violet read "Animals" here.

I will also say that I don't listen to too many podcasts, just because I'm such a nerdy reader type, but Violet's voice is so SULTRY! Actually, I'm sure you all already know this but in case you don't, check out Open Source Sex. Love it. (And now I just have to get Violet to New York for In The Flesh one of these days.) It's a little surreal though to have someone reading your stories, especially because, despite running my own reading series and doing readings frequently, my friends know that reading some of my stuff out loud makes me blush. Sometimes I ask people to read my stories in my stead, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I like the fun and euphoria of reading in front of people but I still totally get stage fright. I don't think about this while I'm writing or I'd never send anything out. I just go. Hearing someone else read my work reminds me that when we each go to read anything, erotica or not, we walk away with a different understanding of the material. That's why I love to interview authors and also to share books with friends so we can dissect and discuss them.

Speaking of erotica, check out Erotica for Women Network.


Weekend links

I have much more I want to say but have been hibernating this weekend and trying to get back to being the person I want to be, not whoever I've been the last few weeks or months. Kind of a mind/body overhaul, or at least, the start of one to try to knock some sense into me. So more later but for now, some links:

I got to have a lovely dinner with Lux Nightmare, Miriam Datskovsky and her boyfriend the other night, and realized I had failed to see this interview at Sexerati with Miriam. Sexerati has lots of great content about the convergence of technology and sex/dating and investigations into various sexual subcultures.

"Outrageous Injustice,", about a 10-year-sentence without possibility of parole given to a 17-year-old for getting a blowjob from a 15-year-old: (via)

Once, he was the homecoming king at Douglas County High. Now he's Georgia inmate No. 1187055, convicted of aggravated child molestation.

When he was a senior in high school, he received oral sex from a 10th grader. He was 17. She was 15. Everyone, including the girl and the prosecution, agreed she initiated the act. But because of an archaic Georgia law, it was a misdemeanor for teenagers less than three years apart to have sexual intercourse, but a felony for the same kids to have oral sex.

Afterward, the state legislature changed the law to include an oral sex clause, but that doesn't help Wilson.

In a different but connected way, Sexerati recently posted about the Dakota Fanning brouhaha. The connection being that if we pretend that teenagers do not have their own sexuality, are ignorant of the topic and don't deserve credit for having some agency in the matter, we wind up failing our children by brushing both actual rape and instances of consensual sex under the rug. Here's Lux:

We are terrified of sex and sexuality, and this is nowhere more apparent than in the issue of adolescent sexuality. We can’t cope with the idea of children, of adolescents, as sexual beings: can’t cope with the idea that children can have these experiences. And so we refuse to discuss, refuse to acknowledge that these things are real – and we push away the discussion, we hide from it, we wrap our children in a fluffy, white towel of ignorance, all in the name of protection. And we wring our hands in fear of all the bogeymen that surround us: the slutty teens, the neighborhood child molester – and we celebrate the fear, because it’s all we know how to do.

Can a porn film be kosher? (love that my dad sent me this one)

Did you know that there's a Bukkake Social Club? Ah, neither did I. I feel so old because there was a time when I might have wanted to join such a thing and now I'm infinitely more interested in babies than sex. Well, not infinitely, but, as an example, I was invited and agreed to go to a sex party next weekend and I'm really just thinking of it more as a work thing. I don't want to have sex at a sex party, I don't plan to meet the love of my life there, it's just not really my scene, if it ever was. That being said, I'm interested in the way this party was described to me and the people there and save for occasional bouts of misanthropy and hibernation, I love parties and meeting new people but for my personal life, I think I need to go with the most conservative people I can find. Okay, not all that conservative, but I need to find me one of those guys who want babies.

The Stranger's review of Offbeat Bride (a review that was bought in their Strangercrombie auction, no less!) - along with a photo of the author, Ariel Meadow Stallings, as a bride with a bong, taken by Heather Corinna

Speaking of reviews, I love the spirit of Lisa Carver's review of Neal Pollack's Alternadad even if I don't agree with her. And by "spirit" I mean that she tells it exactly how she sees it. I don't always have the guts to do that and it's one of the many reasons I admire Lisa.

The San Francisco Chronicle looks at how a variety of Bay Area publishers (including Cleis) are being affected by the AMS bankrupty

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Eat the Press/Village Voice managing editor position

In a post entitled "This Week's Voice Much, Much Sexier Than Last Week's," Rachel Sklar at Eat The Press praised Michael Musto's Village Voice cover story interview with Sarah Silverman and gives a sampling of the letters to the editor about their new sex columnists.

One she chose to quote asks:

"Is there an editor actually working here in New York? What is this crap?"

And then, wouldn't you know, at the bottom of the latest letters page, a job opportunity for all of you job seekers:

Managing Editor
The Village Voice has an immediate opening for a managing editor. This position requires writing, editing, and management skills. The managing editor must be able to guide both experienced and beginning staff writers in producing superior magazine-style stories as well as help supervise the day-to-day operations of the editorial department. The ideal candidate will have a solid background in news. The most promising applicants will be asked to take an extensive editing test. The Voice offers competitive salaries and benefits. Qualified candidates should send a cover letter, résumé, and clips to the address below.

Click through for the address and the other ad for staff writers.

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Welcome to the new blogger

Ah, Blogger. You finally let me in to the "new" Blogger, and I will be spending countless hours update this blog and Cupcakes Take the Cake with labels. Here's what I've got so far, a random but entertaining smattering of my interests:

Adventures in book covers (27)
babies (12)
boobiesexual (4)
book deal (2)
breasts (4)
cupcakes (1)
feminism (1)
Gothamist (38)
In The Flesh Reading Series (52)
interview (39)
Jessica Cutler (8)
Lusty Lady column (47)
Mary Lou Lord (2)
Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z (14)
relationships (2)
reproductive freedom (10)
Robert Steinbuch (12)
shameless self-promotion (1)
Steinbuch v. Cutler (12)
Village Voice (47)

The stupidity of "single"

Something about this MSN “Single Folks’ Hall of Fame” bothers me. I was trying to figure out what it was and then I realized: a) not everyone on the list is someone I’d consider “single” (Oprah? What?) and b) Do we really need that much cheerleading before we realize it’s okay to be single?

Your own firsthand experience has undoubtedly acquainted you with some of the benefits of flying solo. “When you don’t have that automatic Friday night date, it’s a push to go out and figure out what gets you excited,” explains Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “It’s good to have the time to figure out what you love to do outside of work and romantic relationships.”

But if you’re not a believer yet, then look at these seven amazing singles. From celebrities you may not have guessed were unattached to ordinary people doing extraordinary things, our Single Hall of Famers prove that you don’t have to be hitched to have a happy ending.

I think there’s two very different versions of “single” that get thrown around a lot and it’s confusing, because here, “single” means unmarried, but in regular life, “single” means not dating anyone seriously. I mean, is Oprah “single” and on the market? No. It’s like when they run articles about “single” moms and really they’re just in long-term, unmarried relationships. Who really thinks of single in those terms? Nobody I know.

When I look up “single” on Amazon, I find books like Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent by Judy Ford and Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling by Jen Schefft.

In a way, all the efforts to tell single people that it’s “okay” only serve to highlight how much it’s not okay. (I have not read either of these books, or Bella DePaulo’s Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, though the latter does look interesting, I'm just way behind on my reading.) I think it should be obvious that for some people, singledom is about “finding yourself” and is a welcome thing and for some it’s not so welcome and most of us probably vacillate between the two at various times. There’s probably a “grass is always greener” element to being coupled or singled but this nonsense about single meaning “unmarried” and rah-rah attitude (always directed at women) is really tiring. Really. Tiring. I’d so much rather listen to “Single Girl” by Lush than ponder the tedious issue of whether being single is “okay.”


Stop whatever you're doing and read this

Andrea Lynch provides a highly relevant, frightening look at Eric Keroack, Deputy Asstant Secretary for Population Affairs with the Department of Health and Human Services. Her post could've just been the 68 slide PowerPoint presentation that presents umpteen assumptions about the horrors of casual sex, posits that we're just like mice, and is just painfully childish with its incessant use of exclamation points, capital letters, and happy faces (I direct you to slide 50 which advises you to:


Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Be Terrified that Dr. Eric Keroack is in Charge of the U.S. Federal Family Planning Program

Lynch also links to some other relevant articles and posts but really, if all you do is lok at the slideshow, that'll be enough. Except it's not funny and this is our own government we're talking about. Welcome to America, 2007, where we're encouraged to be abstinent until age 29, despite the fact we're almost all doing it. Again, there's a fundamental assumption that sex itself is the enemy, not the warped way we're taught to view it through very gendered lenses, nor the warped ways we're taught to define sex, and ourselves in relation to it.


got this feeling when I heard your name the other day...

It’s funny to me sometimes how breakups linger, at least for me. I think I’m over someone, like I’ve stopped all the really crazy post-relationship nonsense, the incessant flashbacks and mental recriminations. Because, there’s always some level at which, of course it’s you. That subject line was just from one of my favorite songs because really, nobody mentions him to me. I’m the one who has the google news alert (okay, it’s alerts, on various permutations of his name, because I’m thorough like that). I’m the one who, though I try hard to resist it, will go look at his MySpace page sometimes, just because. I don’t have any pictures of us together, except the ones in my mind, and that’s probably for the best. I’m the one who digs up those old emails and wonders how those words could really have come from him and meant nothing at all. It’s all me and I’m grateful he’s not everywhere, and yet, I forget that just because I don’t see or hear his name, doesn’t mean he’s forgotten just yet.

He’s somewhere, out there, and I don’t hang out in his neighborhood and most of those annoying reminders of him have been phased out. At least he wasn’t into Taste D-Lite, ‘cause that was a tough one to ignore back in ‘04. But at the same time, he’s lurking, in my mind at least. I’m sure he thinks about me, oh, never, and I honestly don’t care because at the end of the day, I know I don’t want him back. I don’t even want to be in the same room with him, a single flawed drunk text message notwithstanding. However, I think there’s always that small part of you, or me, rather, that doesn’t love the fact that they’ve found someone new. I want more details, but really I don’t. I’m sure she’s all the things I’m not and I wonder if she knows about the addictions, the lying, the utter fuckedupness in the head.

I’m not a mean person, truly, and part of why I have to write these things is for my own protection, so I don’t in any way romanticize what was an utterly stupid situation from day one. I’ve gotten over the part, save for a brief setback, where when people ask me how I am, instead of telling them, I tell them about something that happened to me and that’s really not the girl I want to be. And it’s like my own words are mocking me because just last night I wrote to myself:

Sometimes I think it’s New York. I love it but it makes me want to cry sometimes. It can be lonely here, for sure, but where to go instead? “And I would leave this town tonight if I could think where to go...” Chicago maybe, but the cold might kill me. I vacillate on that one, because I have so many wonderful people here and yet, well, the dating/settling down/parenting prospects seem slim in terms of finding ones who are in the mental place where I am.

Someone asked me how I was last night and I just didn’t know. It’s so moment to moment that I can’t even keep track. I don’t want to just be some girls bad things happen to. I don’t want to be “the girl who got fired by the
Village Voice” (I mean, one of the many) or “the girl whose boyfriend was hiring hookers while they were dating.” That makes it sound like I did something wrong and I know I didn’t, but still, I don’t think things are an accident. My time was clearly up at the former and the latter I’m still trying to wrap my mind around. I come home and am supposed to be working and instead listen to Ted Leo sing “Since U Been Gone” over and over. I read Lena and want to give her a hug. It’s not that I want him back per se (I promise), but there’s still something there. I texted him from the party and maybe I thought we could pretend like it was old times, very old times, because some of those good ones are still etched in my mind. Him trying to show me fighting moves at that crazy dinner and laughing hysterically. Falling asleep against all those muscles. The entire Upper West Side, which I thought I’d hate, but I really didn’t.

So yeah, I was kindof missing all of that, until yesterday. I felt pretty much 31 going on 13 when I had to be all “not to sound like I’m in junior high, but I’m not going if he’s going to be there.” There is something sad to me about having to check on whether your ex will be at an event before you go, but probably not as sad as wanting to puke or run away or something were you both to be in the same place. And it’s funny because it’s not just the fact that he was hiring hookers the whole time we were dating, though clearly that’s a biggie. It’s also that, looking back, I realize that, pretty much 100%, I was just some girl to be there, to listen to him go on and on, and I could’ve been anyone. I thought it was so awesome that he didn’t mind about the column or the blog or anything, and really, he didn’t even notice. I don’t expect even my closest friends to read everything I write, but while I had my google news alert on and he would mention one topic and I’d be researching it madly to try to sound like I knew what I was talking about, I don’t think he read one column or ever showed any interest in what was going on in my life save for on the most peripheral level.

I see now that he just didn’t care. If the conversation wasn’t about him, it didn’t matter. Like I said, “I’m too busy to call my sister on her birthday” is something he actually said. The irony, ah, the irony, is that he acts like he’s such a do-gooder and I got lulled into that. I thought all these external trappings made him who he was, and that was my fatal flaw. I thought who he surrounded himself with, namely, mostly married men with babies, or at least, ones in long-term relationships, ones who write for fancy magazines and actually are do-gooders. I surmised all these things that really obscured the lack of a heart, even though I could see the edges of that coldness lurking in little ways, but I ignored them. I don’t beat myself up over it too much because there’s not that much I could’ve known but I am still trying to figure out the takeaway, the lesson, the reason I had to meet him in the first place, because there has to be one.

I just got interviewed for an article called something like “You’re single because you blog too much.” Ah, the humor, and the truth. The thing is, for any bitterness that may still be lurking, or not-so-lurking, I strive to and think I come pretty close to having a really big heart. I’m so ready for what’s next that I can put all that aside if someone has the potential to step into my whirlwind overly-laden life and take me out of my head a little. I like the part where I get a little obsessed with someone and go on and on about how cool they are and think about them all day and get all excited about the really little and dorky things about them. I like the part where we’re somewhere, out, their place, wherever, and it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Where we talk about books and friends and art and passion and families and dreams and make private jokes and sayings that, at the end of the day, no blog or big mouth can ever really replicate because you really just had to be there. It actually scares me sometimes how open my heart is because it’s fucking dangerous. I was talking to some personal ad folks, like people who’ve been there, done that, and the advice I got was to write a really, really specific one, laying all of what I want out there into however many words I get.

I’m not anti-personal ad, really, I just don’t know if I have not only the energy for the results of such an ad, but the ability to contain or even quantify “what I want.” It’s not a set in stone kind of thing, even on some basics. Monogamy? I hate that word, it’s so not a good word to say, and I’m a word person. It sounds wrong somehow in my mouth, but then again, so does polyamory. I want shorter, snappier, sexier words for them. I want words that don’t have such loaded baggage, ones that maybe contain a little nuance, a little room for individual permutations, for tinkering, toying with, teasing them like a hairdo into the exact right combination. Aside from the word itself (monogamy, that is), and I can’t really pinpoint its worst trait, but it’s there, I don’t want to limit myself to something that’ll make me feel so constrained I’m just dying to break my own self-imposed rule. Kinda like dieting. At the same time, when I have all that really dorky stuff I was talking about above, I don’t have room or interest in having all of that with someone else too. I have a friend whose relationship rule is that her and her boyfriend are allowed to make out with other people, and I think maybe they have to tell the other person. I guess that’s technically monogamy, but not what I think of when I hear the word. I like stuff like that, but it’s not anything I can squeeze into a personal ad.

I’m very much an “I’ll know it when I see it” person when it comes to dating. I might have de facto “types,” people I keep inadvertently meeting, but there’s no type type. K. wasn’t my “type” and I fell in love with her and it’s funny because now she looks completely different. Well, not completely, but her type is different. But I’m glad that I have what I projected, falsely, onto him, “un corazon grande.” At the very end, right before the whole funeral-and-hookers debacle, I sent him this card with an image of a heart on the front that said “corazon.” Spanish was kindof our special language, though apparently it’s also his special language with every girl he fucks. And I guess one of my biggest fears is that I’ll come out of all this with a smaller heart, with less room for love, not just romantic love, but all kinds, and I don’t want that. It’s why the baby photos are everywhere, why I make sure to get my visits in with them, because they make my heart open so wide, and any puffed-up cynicism I try to adorn myself with falls away in an instant.

So yeah, that’s about it. It’s really freeing to just get it down, out, purged. I get it all too tangled up in my head and yes, there’s a part of me that thought I might impress him with some of the writing, that thought he might care, but that was so long ago I can barely remember it. I can only live my life in ways that feel right to me, and work on myself. Which is funny because there was and, maybe to a tiny extent still is, this part of me that wanted to rescue him, help him, turn him into that good person I thought he was. I resisted sending him the book on the serenity prayer I was devouring, then just started carrying in my bag all the time, because I realized that you can’t make someone pray, or feel, or think. That’s their job, and while I think it’s sad to see people not live up to their potential, I have other things to do with my life.

Accepting the things I cannot change has never been easy for me and that book is all about trusting and asking G-d to give me the serenity to do that, and I’m not sure how much of that I take to heart but I do know it’s not about drinking. It’s about that emptiness and trying to fill it somehow, some way. I’ve tried so many—shopping, food, fucking up, running away, busyness, amassing things—and now, well, now it’s mostly writing. And people. Babies and friends and finding the people who maybe don’t fill that void per se, but show me how I can do so myself. Who are much more glass half full than I am. Who believe in me at those times when I don’t. Because for me any rejection, personal or professional, makes that void bigger because it makes me wonder what I did wrong, where I went astray and how I can “fix” that when instead it’s about fixing my p.o.v., about not wallowing in those negative emotions (I got a book in the mail yesterday, Daily Negations by John S. Hall, that if you’re at all like me with the darkness of the mind, you must read. It’s like the opposite of daily affirmations and is so dark that it’s laugh out loud funny . . . until you realize that you have had and often do have those super dark self-hating feelings all the damn time.), about finding that courage, even if you have to really dig for it, to just believe that not even tomorrow, but the next second from now, will be a better one than this one.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Blink and you'll miss 'em links

Anna David wants to solve your dating problems. On TV. Send her a video telling her what's going on.

The FDA is investigating changing standards for birth control pills in light of findings that it's not as effective as it once was (via Disinfo)

Fired! editor Annabelle Gurwitch is at the 92nd Street Y Thursday night with the adorable and hilarious Wendy Spero and Beth Lapides. The 92nd St Y blog interviews her here:

What's your New York motto?
If it's on Page Six it must be true.


Burgers are from Mars, Cupcakes are from Venus?

Over at my cupcake blog Cupcakes Take the Cake, I ponder whether cupcakes (and burgers) are coded by gender in "Burgers are from Mars, Cupcakes are from Venus?" Check it out and please feel free to comment - I'm of two minds on this, as you'll see in the post, but really, I just think cupcakes are for everyone!

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LVHRD Master-Disaster Architect Duel III

Last night I was at Comix laughing at the always hilarious Jessi Klein (move back to NY, please?), who manages to work in things like teabagging like it's nothing, Elizabeth Spiers, reading an email about how she's going to hell, Annabelle Gurwitch, whose movie Fired is showing tonight and officially premieres next Friday, Jonathan Ames, the first time I haven't seen him do the hairy (sp?) call, and David Rakoff who was fucking brilliant in his takedowns of both Rent and Olivia Goldsmith. And hostess Catie "Dr." Lazarus, but of course. Also there was a great crowd of people I hadn't seen in a while like Goddess Perlman and Tom Dolby. Plus, even though I'm much more at home at, say, Rififi, than Comix (the divier the venue, the better), they do have super yummy spinach at Comix and it's near my train and everyone was hilarious, so that makes up for the priciness.

Hence, I was not at the LVHRD Architect Duel III, thankfully. No offense to LVHRD but I'm not exactly jumping up and down to run into my ex. In fact, am doing all I can to avoid that because, you know, he's got his sweet petite thing going on, and I have, well, a life. But I'm glad Rob took this photo cause it's adorable - Rob, well worth the hangover, at least, from my perspective.

Sorry, L to R: Brett Jackson, Jeff Newelt a/k/a Jahfurry, Dan Goldman

Get Miriam a book deal pronto

Kindof like the way my makes-me-want-to-vomit ex did introduce me to awesome people (okay, not really like that at all, I just wanted to say that because it’s all so repulsive, even now), the Voice (which I loved and honestly still love) column gave me a chance to meet some brilliant people, and one of the ones I most cherish is Miriam Datskovsky.

Check out this article about her from Philadelphia Weekly (that also includes a gushing quote from my Gothamist interview with her) and then publishers, editors, people in the know⎯get cracking on her book deal already.


Quoted in The Observer

Something I once wrote about Lower East Side bar The Magician for that paper I no longer write for is quoted in the ultimate blogfucking article in The Observer that I truly hope does not spawn countless imitatators. Enough! Really. We get it. Lots of bloggers know each other and hang out and drink and gossip on the LES. Mmmmkay?


The out of control, over-the-top definitive Jahfurry interview

Read it all (linked below) at Gothamist and if you like it, click "Recommend" at the bottom. Both of us really went all out (yes, for Gothamist) and I'm trying to get my writing mojo back after everything that's happened in the last 2 weeks. Plus, Jeff's awesome. Links galore in the interview too.

2007_01_newelt.jpgYou probably already know Jeff Newelt, a.k.a. "Jahfurry," and if you don't, he's probably waiting to meet you. The professional publicist, tireless connector, and man about town, goes out almost every night of the week, with several parties and people on permanent mental speed dial, his brain constantly buzzing with new ideas. Described by friends as a "human MySpace" (Anthony Lappé) and "an infectious force of nature" (Larry Smith), the 35-year-old Long Island native and current Queens resident even has his own logo, courtesy of Dan Goldman, and flits from the mostly underground arts and comics world to the reggae and jazz scenes and beyond, always in search of more people to add to his coterie. By day, he works as a publicist focusing on Samsung in his job as PR Account Supervisor at MWW Group. By night, he wears any number of hats: Minister of Hype for online comics collective ACT-I-VATE, SMITH magazine Comics Editor, creative consultant for online graphic novels Shooting War and A.D.: New Orleans After the Deluge, writer and performer, popping up on stages at parties and bars across town to rattle off his unique musical blend into the mic. Whether reporting on Comic-Con, waxing lyrical about Alan Moore, performing with Kochie Banton, auditionining for Gizmodo's theme song competition, or throwing wild parties, he puts 100% of himself into the task at hand, and has a wonderful time doing so.

After spending 20-hour days at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Vegas, he returned to New York with energy to spare, but took the time to email Gothamist the scoop on his kinship with Frank Zappa, on-stage alter ego, the future of online comics, who's on his must-meet list (hint: not Britney Spears), and how he keeps track of his ever-growing social calendar.

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Publishing miscellanea

And by "miscellanea" I mean "have nothing to do with each other except are vaguely about writing and must be purged from my mind/inbox."

Simon Spotlight Entertainment is publishing MMA fighter Matt Hughes's memoir. (via Tucker Max's message board) - They're also looking for other top MMA fighters, see Tucker Max posting for details.

Amazon is listing Made in America with a pub date of January 2, 2008 but that may or may not be accurate.

I know nothing about the subject, not being a UFC junkie, just a silly girl whose new "type" seems to be Jewish guys into martial arts. So hot, so not dad or even boyfriend material for this girl. Alas. Note to self: find new type.

Since that pretty much exhaustes my knowledge of and interest in the topic, save for very esoteric ridiculousness, I will move on to something that I actually know something about.

Christen Clifford, who I posted about yesterday, has a blog and just announced that she won the New School 2006 Nonfiction Chapbook series and this is what the judge said about her "Baby Love" essay:

"I greatly admire the writer's risk-taking, honesty, willingness to lay bare her injuries and humiliations. It's a gutsy, smart, funny, and discomfiting essay."

Rejuvenile author Christopher Noxon reviewed Neal Pollack's Alternadad in the Los Angeles Times last Sunday. He also linked to a review of his review (which strangely didn't link to the actual review. Odd.)

I'm currently absorbing/being awed by the mesmerizing language and story of David Matthews's memoir Ace of Spades. WOW. Every time I read it I find myself rushing to the dictionary, and so far (about halfway through), he's used two words/phrases I'd only ever encountered while reading my grandfather's memoir in progress: hail-fellow-well-met and cynosure. It's that kind of book, but also stunning in its descriptions not just of race, but childhood, family, school, sex. You have to really read every page, and my copy is littered with stickies. I'll be interviewing him for Memoirville, and considering I have questions about nearly everything in it, narrowing that down will be tough. But it's one of the best, most challenging, most thought-provoking books I've ever read and there are turns of phrase in it that continue to blow me away.

Matthews had a piece in last Sunday's New York Times Magazine, "Pick One," is also on MySpace, and recently engaged in an online bulletin board debate over the one drop rule (and that was what I meant as an example of a dedicated author, like Noxon linking to the review of his review - you can't just sit back and think publicists are going to do your work. That's your job as an author who cares, not just an author.)

Bloggers - want a free book and part of a promo tour?

Hey bloggers - especially the sex/kinky ones - want a free book? I'm doing a special online promotion during the month of March for my new anthologies He's on Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission and She's on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission and need your help. So if you're a blogger and want to possibly take part in this promotion (for which you'd get a free book in exchange for a post about one of these books and being part of a virtual book tour) and would involve very little of your time, please email me at rachelkramerbussel at with "Kinky Book Tour" in the subject line and I'll send you the details. Preference given to blogs with high traffic, ones that participate in things like Sugasm, etc. - the goal is to get the most eyes viewing this as possible. I've only go a few spots left so first come, first serve - thank you!

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"Baby Love" and Baby Love and baby love

I finally saw my friend Christen Clifford’s play “Baby Love” last night at D Lounge (where I usually go for The Kissing Booth – first one of ’07 is this Saturday!) and even though I knew what it was going to be about, it was still intense and disturbing and startling and amazing. It’s about her trying to get pregnant, then doing so and feeling over-the-top sexual, and then having her son and spending more time focused on him than her husband, and the many feelings that brought up for her. There’s one point at the beginning where (and I didn’t have my pen out at that point so this quote may be slightly off) she says about her husband, just after sex, “At that moment, I loved him so much it hurt.” Wow.

At one point she brought out a Kegelcisor and started lifting it in the air to “Physical” while some people nodding knowingly and some just looked at her in a puzzled way, like, “What? There are muscles in the vagina?”

The play was funnier than I expected it to be, but also really poignant. At one point, she’s giving a blowjob to her husband while reaching behind her to pat her baby back to sleep and then concludes that she’s in the ultimate threesome. She turns the notion of sensual vs. sexual breastfeeding on its head. She taunts us that she has a photo of her perineum post-stitches but doesn’t show it to us. Christen was so lively on stage, dancing and emoting and sounding just as engaged in the material now as when she wrote it. I find it very interesting that it evolved from an essay on Nerve. I think one of the most gasp-worthy moments is this:

He was tentative. "I saw a baby come out of there, " he said. "It's not for fun anymore."

She then said something like she’d be squeamish too if she saw a baby come out of his dick, but still, omg.

I think the show brings up a lot of issues about sex in general and love and children and how those heightened feelings, which I can only imagine, get morphed and confused and crossed, both between mother and child and mother and father and all three. Some of it I probably didn’t want to hear because I know it’s easy for me to romanticize all of it and not really think about the actual practical matters. And I also know that if I ever am lucky enough to have a baby, I’ll have (hopefully) nine months to prepare, but I’m really try to do that work now because I feel like it’s not the preparation of buying crap that I need help with, it’s being a good person, choosing good people to surround myself with, figuring out who I am and what I want out of life and trying to live up to my potential. Sometimes I worry that I’ll be a terrible mom despite my clear desire for kids because I’m not the person I wish I were, and then I tell myself that all I can do is take everything day by day, minute by minute if I need to, the courage to change the things I can and all that.

At the end, she tells us that she’s not trying to discourage anyone from having kids. Which is good because even I got squeamish at a few points, though the best was when she brought out this giant baby photo of Felix. Now, I’ve known Christen since she wasn’t a mom; I saw her do her play “17 Guys I Fucked” while she was hugely pregnant, and then later did her HEAT series at Makor, and then she did In The Flesh. But I don't know her all that well and I'd imagine it'd have been odder if I did.

What’s also interesting is that Rebecca Walker’s forthcoming memoir is called Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence. It’s at the top of my “want to read” list and I’ll be interviewing her for Memoirville, but what I found interesting is that Ariel Gore of Hip Mama (who’s pregnant again and taking suggestions for names), wrote this about Walker’s book:

The way the mother in the book is depicted tripped me out--brought up a lot of those old questions about memoir-writing. What is the difference between telling your own truth/holding people accountable for their actions and selling them down the river?

So we'll see once I get my hands on a galley what I think.

Also, speaking of babies, Ani DiFranco gave birth to a baby girl yesterday named Petah.


"It's a New Times thing; we wouldn't understand."

This is not going to be the ongoing blog about me getting fired from my sex column, I promise, but because of the incredible support and laugh out loud humor readers have been providing of late, I feel I should do another roundup. As for me, I'm focused on my future and the many writing assignments I'm currently juggling, not so much this, but thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me/the Internet/the Voice. I just wanted to say: I noticed.

It's been interesting to note that the Voice announced their new sex columnists on their blog (with no mention of getting rid of me), then lured readers from the front page, first with "Readers revolt over new sex column," later changed to "Readers react to new sex column" (now gone). Comments there continue to pile up.

Emrecom wins my own personal version of Gawker’s Gold Star Motel commenter awards, which I’ll just call the Vanilla Cupcake awards, for this one.

Maura has been posting about the new Voice sex column and it prompted this totally perfect comment from Emrecom:

It's a New Times thing; we wouldn't understand.

I’ve also been very impressed with how many people in non-sex media, some of it of the very mainstream variety, have reached out to me, showing me that they get what I was doing with the column, or trying to do. Thank you to everyone who's written me personally and those who have posted, which I'll try to round up below. I'm busier than I've ever been and definitely have plenty I plan to post about here.

Eros Zine roundup of sex news of the week

"Sex Columnist Gets Heave Ho," Perversely Poly

"I think we need some Team Rachel t-shirts made.," Blogishness

"The 'Voice" of the Affluent, not the Alternative," Sex in the Public Square

Is there any reason in the world we should care what kind of desk chair Essie Carmichael’s husband sits in to do his online “printer research?” And even worse, in the litany of product endorsements, the only item named that helped either woman achieve sexual satisfaction does not get its brand identified or promoted! What kind of sex column tells you exactly where to buy a dress that you don’t look good in, and a lunch that spoils your diet but then doesn’t name the amazing showerhead that is reportedly the best gift Essie has ever been given and the only thing with which Nora has had sex in years?

"Married with children equals no sex?," Jolie du Pre

Shelley, if you're too dumpy for Forever 21 than utilize that nanny of yours and take your lazy ass to the health club. Trust me, once you get in shape you'll feel confident shopping wherever you fucking please. And you'll have SEX, lots of it.

As a married woman with children who has always had a vibrant sex life, if this is the new sex talk for the Village Voice , I'll pass.

"LOVE those stereotypes," Stories, Sex, and Silliness (Sage Vivant)

So my primary objection to this new Village Voice column is simply this: I fail to see how it advances the idea of open-minded sex philosophies and sex acts. To hear the whining and complaints of women who aren't getting any sex may feel just great to the women doing the whining, but the rest of us -- those who have healthy sex lives, with or without children -- are not enhanced, educated, or otherwise enlightened by anything this new column would spew out.

"*runs around nervous*," Having Read the Fine Print.....

The Village Voice has strapped on the skis and leather jacket and is sailing over the shark with an EH! in it's heart…

Look it's not that I have any more than my usual objections to the materialistic helpless white woman syndrome but I do have a problem with the phasing out of open source sex.

Open source sex meaning , you didn't have to like Lusty Lady ( personally i just wanted to spank her a bit, yes I'm bi if you've been reading you knew and if you didn't you do now!) , but if you liked spanking, or sex, or a perspective on sex that you couldn't find in the NYT it was useful.

I’m also just going to throw out a few links without comment except to say they might be of interest:

Over 40 Married Sex

Cookie magazine’s Mrs. Young Sex Tips for Moms

Update: Letters to the editor in this week's Village Voice

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Monday, January 22, 2007

The War Room this Wednesday at Mo Pitkin's

The War Room at Mo’s with Anthony Lappé
Wed., Jan. 24, 2007, 7:00pm

Episode 4: Hipsters meet vets

How many of you have ever talked with an Iraq war combat veteran? This is your chance to hear directly from soldiers who have fought on the front-lines of the Iraq war. This is not an anti-war event. It is not a pro-war event. It is simply a chance to hear from those who are fighting a war in your name. Ample time will be left for audience questions and dialogue. Plus a special military v. civilian edition of the hit game show "Invaded or Not Invaded" and an appearance by singer/songwriter Jenn Grauer, singing her powerful song, “Soldier.”

About The War Room: Tired of limp left-wing whining sessions? Sick of White House propaganda masquerading as news? Want the real deal from those who have been in there? The War Room is a new kind of political talk show about the media, the war in Iraq and beyond. Please join me in the East Village at the intimate Mo Pitkin’s as I resurrect my ill-fated Air America radio show, The War Room. It’s cheap ($5), Mo’s serves awesome potato latkes and there’s no annoying ads for Relacore, the powerful pill for when you’re really serious about losing weight (if you ever listen to Air America you feel my pain).

Host: Anthony Lappé: Executive Editor, Guerrilla News Network (; Producer, BattleGround: 21 Days on the Empire's Edge (Showtime). Author graphic novel, Shooting War (Warner Books, Oct. 2007)

Upstairs at Mo Pitkin’s
Wed. Jan. 24, 2007, 7pm, $5 cover
34 Avenue A, Reservations: (212) 777-5660

Blog for Choice Day

Blog for Choice Day - January 22, 2007

I’m pro-choice because, at 31, I hope to be a mom sometime in the next few years, and I want my child(ren) to be welcomed into this world with 100% love and affection. I want to become a mom when I want to and because I actively chose motherhood. I’m pro-choice because in the last year I’ve had more pregnancy scares than anyone should, and having the option of Plan B helped lessen my worry. I’m pro-choice because I love children, and women, and don’t think the former should ever be forced on the latter. I’m pro-choice because I believe in allowing women to control our own bodies and in taking that responsibility seriously. I’m pro-choice because I don’t want to go back to a time when women had little control over our own reproduction, when sex was so fraught with fear that heterosexual (and bisexual) women couldn’t truly enjoy and engage in it without undue stress. I’m pro-choice because even though some types of sex can result in babies, children shouldn’t be an unwanted consequence. I’m pro-choice because I believe in sexual freedom and that said freedom can coincide with parenting by choice as well.

As I wrote last year in my column, “I’m Pro-Choice and I Fuck:”

I'm pro-choice because I couldn't fully enjoy sex were I consumed with worry about the potential consequences. I'm pro-choice for all my friends who've had abortions and gone on to do great things, who are better women for being childless (for now). I'm pro-choice for the new moms and dads I know who were able to actively choose to become parents. I'm pro-choice for all those babies, like my new cousin Adam, born knowing they're 100 percent loved and wanted.

See also: Jessica Valenti's "A Roe Resolution: Trust Women" at the Huffington Post


Resolution Dissolution indeed

Apparently, I had a party on Saturday night, hosted by myself and my awesome friends Brett and Emily. Since I was breaking a key no-drinking resolution, some of my memory of it may be fuzzy, but according to photographic evidence, I wore a Wii hat.

Actually, I do remember having a great time, hearing multiple animated conversations while I was in the bathroom and knowing our party was a success. Also: cookies from Build a Green bakery = delicious! It was fun even if Miriam and Lena couldn't make it because it was too "early" for them. Ah, to be in college again...

I think I will make a new resolution: have more parties!