Email: rachelkramerbussel at gmail.com



 

Lusty Lady

BLOG OF RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Saturday, August 26, 2006

More procrastination

I deleted whatever rambling idiocy I had posted last night. Long story short: I need to get with the program and start doing what makes me happy. I talk a good game about "being a writer" but the reality is I cut corners, I sleep in and stumble to work and then go home and want to vegetate. And sometimes, that's fine, but not every day, not when things are overdue. But I also have to learn to set limits and take cues from my much more savvy, business-minded, persevering friends, cause they know what they're doing. Just read this in this book by Laurie Seale, The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed, which I'm finally reading as I settle into a period where I will hopefully not be in anyone's bed for a good long while. First it was the summer I needed for myself, and I feel like I haven't really gotten all that I wanted to do this summer done. And it's weird to basically refuse sex, especially with people I am highly attracted to and really adore and wish I could be with. But since I can't, it just seems rather pointless. I've put off booking my California trip, which I really need to do next week, in part because I know it'll be a massive challenge to me to try to be friends with people who, in other circumstances, I'd love to have their babies. But alas, I have certainly learned that I'm not the girl people look at and see "baby-maker." That's for everyone else, and that's okay. I can do it myself someday, if need be, even though everyone is saying no no no no. Okay, I'll wait. Despite myself, I can be a little patient. So anyway, the passage reads:

Only you know full well the emotional price you pay when you don't follow your dreams, your aspirations, your needs.

That really could not be more true. More than however many hundreds of thousands of dollars I will pay to Sallie Mae, it's still that price that kills me, that makes me want to curl up and go in some hole and never emerge. It's pre-emptive failure, not even trying because I'm so scared of the consequences. I've done that for what feels like forever, and taking a chance is such a tough risk, I don't know if I will ever know how to do it, but I've gotten learn, and soon.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home