A male response to the feminist blowjob debate

From a male friend - I've been getting some really interesting responses from guys about the feminist blowjob post. Feel free to write if you have something to share (I won't blog it unless you give me the okay):

I just finished reading your blog entry about “I Blame the Patriarchy” and had to write you to say “Huzzah!” I’m extremely irritated by the notion that blowjobs must always be characterized as one thing, and that that thing is usually “anti-feminist”. I can certainly appreciate that there are numerous blowjobs being dispensed by less-than-willing providers who do the deed for reasons that would make Andrea Dworkin rise from her grave and start shouting women down. But the problem isn’t blowjobs. It’s that men and women often do things for the wrong reasons. The one element that these writers seem to universally overlook is the fact that there are some people who genuinely get off on providing pleasure to others. As a bi dude who enjoys both sucking a cock and licking a pussy, I can say that I pursue both activities because I get off on getting other people off. I don’t distinguish this from, say, the pleasure I get from preparing a delicious meal for other people. I love to spend hours cooking and then watch as a meal is hungrily consumed because I enjoy knowing that I’ve given people a pleasant sensual experience. Similarly, when I’m with my partner or a new playmate, my instinct is to put my mouth on them. I get off on giving head because I’m providing someone with a pleasant sensual experience. And whether a guy is throat-fucking me or my girl is grinding her pussy onto my face, I’ve never felt degraded or exploited because I’m both giving and receiving pleasure from the act. If I wasn’t a fully willing participant, that would be different. But the fact that a man or woman might give someone a blow job because they feel that they have to doesn’t indict the act, it indicts the persons involved. The argument that we live in a patriarchal society that leaves women no choice in the matter, or that women who give blow jobs have resigned themselves to the patriarchy, rings hollow. To equate an act in all circumstances with exploitation by the patriarchy is demeaning and infantalizing to women. There assuredly are numerous ways that women are sexually exploited by this “patriarchal shithole world.” But to deny the fact that a sexual act can ever be pleasurable does nothing to solve those problems.