Licking the iron

It's been a bit of a whirlwind the last week, definitely not my choice cause I'm perfectly happy to be hibernating and attempting to write/work, but I got to meet some really amazing people. At Tom Zoellner's party, I was so honored that Jennifer Shahade came over to me and introduced herself. I read her book Chess Bitch last fall and even though I no longer play chess at all (overdosed as a teenager on it), we have a lot in common and it was great to meet someone I'd heard/read so much about, and I'm going to be interviewing her for Gothamist. I just found out she wrote a really fabulous review of Neil Strauss's The Game for Bookslut (and we'll both have pieces in the June issue), and I blogged about the New York Times omitting her book's title from her Op-Ed bio. Then at Bridget Harrison's party, I met another kindred spirit, Jessica Seigel, and it turned out that one of her students at NYU had interviewed me last semester for her class on interviewing.

Thursday I ate yummy homemade coconut cupcakes (thanks to the Barefoot Contessa and baker extraordinaire Felicia Sullivan) and met a doppelganger for Elizabeth Elmore. She didn't look exactly like her, but the more she talked, the more her voice and mannerisms reminded me of my favorite songwriter, and it was kindof eerie. I listen to The Reputation almost every day so I should know. Thankfully, the doppelganger took it as a compliment, which it totaly was. I also got to share radio time with the gorgeous and sweetly s Justine Joli. I feel like "shy porn star" has got to be an oxymoron, but Justine makes it work and is so sweet and charming and down to earth it just makes me want to pinch her cheeks. Major thanks to the fabulous Darklady for picking my brain about erotica, femmes, and types.

Friday I got to take the smush around to the park and watch his little face light up with joy as I pushed him. It felt a little odd to have the stroller all by myself, but cool nonetheless. I don't know when or if I'll have kids, but I definitely want to, so taking care of him and having all these baby cards and gifts around for my friends when they give birth this summer makes me happy in a way little else does. I think the smush knows me a little by now too, and it's amazing to see how much he's grown, physically and otherwise, in the week or two between my visits. I left him to go watch Grey Gardens, which I'd seen as a play at Playwrights Horizon. It was bizarre yet entertaining, made more so by the nonstop commentary.

I also got copies of my "new" book Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica in the mail. It's new in that it just came out, but I worked on it in 2003 and turned it in in 2004 so it feels like a relic from a past life, which in many ways it is, but still, it's a great feeling to hold a book in my hands iwth my name on the spine, my photo on the cover, some tangible, concrete thing for all the effort, especially in a case like this where it's unlikely I'll see royalties. (From me, it has "Lap Dance Lust" and from my alter ego, Tanya Turner, it has my infamous "Cup Cake" story, set in a Magnolia-esque bakery, which I read once upon a time at the late Cupcake Reading Series. There will very likely be two cupcake stories, not written by me, in Sex and Candy, coming out in February. Mine's about cookies, marshmallows, and peppermint patties, but not all at once.) I'm trying to find ways to motivate myself, for little things like individual columns or stories, and bigger projects, and trying to throw myself into it. I can, but I also get overwhelmed, opening up so many documents that I barely know where to start. I do it to myself, and it's probably my biggest challenge to immerse myself in just one thing, to finish a story, or round of editing, or set of quesitons. It's pretty rare, and much more commoon for me to toss a few sentences at some project and then decide to get excited about someone else's book or website or event, rather than my own. I don't want to lose that, because I feed off other people's ideas and I love writing about other people, but the way I've been going about it is fucked and doesn't help me advance or pay off my loans and I think puts me at a disadvantage, says things about me I don't intend. So it's all baby steps and trying to see the big picture but focus on the most insanly minute details, one word at a time.

Speaking of feeding off people's energy, Saturday, after celebrating with my tall friends (Sara Schaefer on having quit her job, and a glowingly pregnant Ellen Friedrichs her birthday), I caught the very end of Adira Amram's solo show, including the video for "Wanna Make Out," in which she licks an iron! It's a fabulous, catchy song, and Adira gave me a CD so now I can listen to it anytime I want and the video is crazy hot too.

Yesterday was largely spent on Metro North and visiting with my family. We went to a very biker-filled restaurant in Connecticut called Down the Hatch, which was quite bizarre. Then I did an interview with a comedian, then got interviewed for a website, right in a row, which made me feel like quite the journalist. Phone interviews usually freak me out, but I'm starting to get used to it more, though I think I will always prefer email. Other great weekend finds: a jewelery-maker in SoHo who is now going to be getting a large chunk of my gift-giving business. I got Ellen a very pretty blue and green necklace that wound up matching her dress. My only problem is picking out which one to get for which person, so I'm going to take GirlyNYC by there for her birthday so she can choose for herself.

So I'm just trying to keep up with anything I can keep up with. Vague but true. In between I'm reading about diamonds, divorce, preventing suicide, writing chick lit, and the like. Books are strewn all over, as is pretty much everything I own, but I'm starting to envision it differently but also realize I have to pick and choose my battles.

Tonight I'm reading at SMUT tonight at 8 at Galapagos. To be honest, it's the last thing I feel like doing, but then again, I never feel like reading. I'm not a performer but a writer BUT the thing is, you can't just write in a vacuum. I feel it's incumbent on me to say yes to any and all readings that invite me, at least until I'm where I want to be in my career. Because you never know who'll be there, who's listening, who might have a hand in your future success. I just do my best not to project my terror, to sometimes hurry it along, or to pick pieces that I really like so I'll sound more assured. I probably will never love doing readings, and at my own, I can sit it out and just be a hostess if I want. But I figure if I'm cranking out stories, like the one I just finished, "Sugar Mama," for my anthology Sex and Candy which I just may be finishing this summer (for the love of writing, PLEASE don't email me about it though, I will notify all contributors as soon as I get the manusript approved), I may as well read them once in a while and hack away at the stage fright.

So that's what happens when I don't blog for a few days on a long weekend. More to say but must run some errands and try to actually be productive which may just mean reading submission and The Heartless Stone in a sunny park for a little while.