It sounds so disgusting, but...

Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez has an honest, pull-no-punches post coming out as a bulimic. Her blog is one of my favorite writer's blogs because it's about her life, and her process, and is just so open. This is really disgusting sounding but important too I think. Because if you read her post, there's always a "but." There's always someone else who's worse off, or who's really in trouble or who's really whatever it is you're not. I just spent that whole Opinionistas post comparing myself to someone I don't even know and trying to measure up, and I do it all the time. And, not so shockingly, I never do. I think it's so easy to find ourselves lacking, to see only the faults, only the flaws. Especially when you feel like you're "supposed" to be a certain way, which is the opposite - confident, happy, perfect. For me, lately, all I am aiming for is even, calm, neutral. Serenity prayer, which means I can't be upset if there's a huge rainstorm and nobody comes to my reading. Or I can be disappointed, but not mad at myself. It means I shouldn't get elated or dejected because of other people's opinions. These are things I tell myself all the time, yet still haven't fully sunk in. Part of my personality is about having those hyper highs and lows. Being always even and neutral feels stifling to me, though at the same time kindof a relief from the barrage of criticism. Anyway, I thought her post was very brave and illuminating (and slightly horrifying).

Bulimics also burst vessels in their brains from the pressure of the heave, resulting in strokes. The throat comes undone from the stomach after a while, too, because of the acid. And the glands beneath the chin swell and often don't go back down, making us look fatter. If we live, that is.

Most interestingly, I learned that bulimics tend to be of average weight, or slightly overweight, and we tend to be well-educated high-achievers with low self-esteem. The description fit me to a T.