I guess I have to read it again

This weekend I'm planning to read a bunch of books, for review, for fun, because my friends wrote them, etc. I thought I was done with Ana Marie Cox's Dog Days, but when I was finally able to make it to my p.o. box yesterday, I walked away with a whole bunch of checks and packages. Most of the books were contributor's copies of things like The Good Parts, Best Women's Erotica 2006 (I'll quote from editor Violet Blue's hot intro later) and Best American Erotica 2007. But there was also a hardcover copy of Dog Days with more press info and this disclaimer stapled to it all:

Please check any reviews against this finished copy of DOG DAYS. Certain names and characters have been changed, and an Epilogue has been added.

Yes, I'm curious enough to reread it. It's gonna be a mellow weekend after all the madness that was this week, just seeing friends and family, reading books, writing, chilling with some more Hepburn movies, proofing two manuscripts and going over sugary stories. And just enjoying the downtime and just extending the smile I had Friday morning into the end of the year. It's hard to believe 2005 is almost over; in so many ways it seems to have flown by, and I'm energized for 2006 but also know I have to really get a move on and not wait around for something magical to happen, because then I wind up doing the same old, same old, and complaining about and resenting it, and it's all on me if I'm writing for places I don't want to be or agreeing to terms I think suck. If I don't like the course I'm headed in, I have to be the one to be proactive about changing it, knowing that failure is very likely but nobody can reject something if they haven't seen it, right?

I think finally, spurred on by all the uninformed things I've been reading, the success of books I think make no sense, I will be able to collate all my varied ideas into something I can feel good about. It's so hard sometimes to stay positive; my mind goes to the negative pretty much immediately, but I'm working on that, trying to get inspired and focused, prepping for my January month of solitude. I actually am really looking forward to it. I love New York and running around and parties and events, but I don't love not having a book deal, still being paycheck to paycheck with my rent, just not feeling in control of my life. I feel like I've been given all these great opportunities but they're worthless if I don't take advantage of them, so that's what I'm gonna try to do. And I'm sure I've said that dozens of times, but hopefully this time by the end of January I'll have something to show for it.