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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Just walk away . . . from the rudest man in the world: Ray

This is gonna be the quickie version cause I’m losing my mind this week with lack of sleep, umpteen deadlines, and just lots of juggling. But tonight I get to go to an Elle party with Kambri where we can once again tell Jeannette Walls how in awe of her we are (yes, many people will be getting The Glass Castle from me for the holidays). Then I’m gonna try to hit up the Boxcar Lounge reading that Jami Attenberg’s organizing.

Anyway, last night I hightailed it over to Mo Pitkin’s for Grace Reading Series, and outside I see Heidi and Morgan. I was like “wow, I have a welcoming committee” but they were actually there to tell me that Mo’s was double booked and the reading would be at 2 Boots, downstairs. That was cool cause I had movies to return. We settled downstairs on the pretty vinyl couches and found out there was free booze. I wasn’t partaking but still, always a nice thing. Everyone finally settled in, a pretty crowded room full of attentive folks, and then Elizabeth Merrick introduced us, I read an old Village Voice column ("Spanking Jessica Cutler" - as an aside, it was kindof weird to read now, because I'd never met Jessica when I wrote that, and that's kindof how we became friends. Also, I'm not exactly a fan of the New York magazine article, and while I totally welcome people's thoughts, keep in mind that a lot more was said and went done than made it into that slanted piece of journalism so if you want to base your opinions about people on a few quotes in there, be my guest, but it might help to read up on us/them before you do), and next week’s, Beth Lisick read about raiding her sister-in-law’s trendy SoHo closet, seeing Parker Posey at Built By Wendy, the New York-to-San-Francisco fashion time lag, and her hatred for the peasant look (all from an essay in Everybody Into the Pool), and there were a bunch of free pizzas. Anyway, so then I went on to wrap up and read “The End” from Best American Erotica 2006. It’s a very emotional, personal story, and while I have reading it pretty much down pat, with no mic, I was shaking a little. So I’m barely into the story and this man comes barreling down the stairs and starts screaming, at Elizabeth and kindof the whole room, about how “You have to be out of here right now! Your time is up, you have to leave!” Louder and louder and louder. Elizabeth told me to keep reading, so I did, making my voice a bit louder. Then their shouting escalated, and I decided to skip to the end. The audience was really hanging on every word and seemed to want me to finish – they were a great audience – and so I jump ahead and read but this guy just keeps right on shouting. He seemed totally enraged, like he could’ve been high or just set off for some reason. It was bad and very hard to not get rattled, so finally I ended and I swear he would’ve taken a freaking cattle prod and herded us out of there if he could. I thought his head would explode or something.

Then I found out that our super sweet bartender, Scott (I think), was actually from Mo Pitkin’s, cause I went there afterward for Chicks and Gaygles and ran into him on the stairs and he was super apologetic. I knew it wasn’t his or anyone else’s fault other than Ray, who apparently was having a rollicking party or something downstairs because when I went back to 2 Boots around 10 to rent Adam’s Rib, (why, I'm not sure, cause I have no time to watch it) it was in full swing from what I could hear. I’m still not quite clear on who he is, but I can say I would never book a show or anything at 2 Boots, and while I have rentals remaining on my membership, I may end it when I’m done. He was one of the rudest people I’ve ever seen, and showed a child’s level of patience and understanding. That is just not the way to make your point, and the whole audience seemed to share my disgust with his sense of entitlement. But in the end, all was well, and everyone at Mo’s was super understanding and nice about it, and rumor has it I’m also gonna get the chance to read there next year. Anyway, Carolyn Castiglia was ROCKING the hot momma look at her comedy show, and when I snuck downstairs I ran into Elizabeth Merrick and her cohorts, including Jessa Crispin from Bookslut! I got to have a free yummy chocolate vodka egg cream, indulge in some gossip, and just hang out for a while. It was a very crazy night with all the yelling, but I think I came out ahead and held my own as best I could.

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about how some people spend a lot of time focusing on who and what they hate. I just don’t really have time for that. I feel like if I die tomorrow, I don’t want my last thoughts to be about the evil, rude, lying, etc. people in this world. I want them to be about the people I love and care about – the former seem to occupy a disproportionate place in the world, using their voices and meanness and evil ways to drown out everyone else, and that’s sad, but we don’t have to give in to that. We don’t have to let it affect us. Maybe it’s denial, but I have so much internal drama, I am always angling toward the bottom, toward the most horrific, depressing, self-deprecating thought, always questioning what I’ve done wrong and why I’m so fucked up, that any time I can surmount that, that I can rise above it, I want to grab that opportunity and hold on tight. And the people I admire the most are those who can turn those awful events and awful people and experiences into good things, positive things, things that help people. Into art, entertainment, comedy, catharsis. It’s certainly not a simple process, but settling for their lowest common denominators of human behavior, whether it’s this guy or other gross people I’ve encountered, really doesn’t serve me. I do believe that karma is a boomerang and those people have to live with their own behavior and its consequences. The world isn’t a morality tale where everyone literally gets what’s coming to them in clear and obvious ways. We may never get the satisfaction of seeing the wrongdoers get their comeuppance, but I think that’s sortof the point—they do, just by existing. They may have no soul or conscience, but WE DO. We can rise above it and their own sad tragedy of not having a heart, not caring who they hurt, is their punishment. But waiting for their downfall is just as perilous as trying to enable it. I’ve had to just walk away from certain people and situations, but the thing is, there are always better people, true friends and supporters, right around the corner. Life really is too short, at least for me, to waste it on the dregs of humanity, to bother with the false satisfaction of “revenge,” to waste that time when I could be doing something useful. And that’s not easy at all; I struggle with it every day. But I think when we encounter the worst of human behavior, it’s an opportunity to grow and learn, to realize that the world is not a bubble of utopian goodness, that not everyone operates on the same moral playing field, and that we can coexist within that, but do not have to interact with the evil. So basically, my point is that we can STEP AWAY FROM THE EVIL. That’s it, just walk away, or boycott their businesses, and believe, even if the everyday reality we see in front of us does not deliver this in every moment, that karma is a boomerang. Maybe I’m wrong and that’s not true and the real way to “get ahead” is by lying, cheating, stealing, and being rude and awful and horrible, but if it is, then count me out. I’ll leave that to all the other people, and I think we know who they are.

Update: Jessa Crispin posted her take on it and I learned that Bookslut now has a reading series in Chicago

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