farewell to sweet and seasick suffering

Subject line courtesy of the lyrics of Ms. Devon Sproule

Or: "Don't Fuck With Me"

My little blurb o' bitterness didn't make it into this month's Waxing Off, but that's okay because I'm posting here:

I don’t normally trash talk about people I’ve slept with, but for this particularly special person, I’ll make an exception. Not that very long ago, I met a guy who sounded like just what I was looking for–a comedy fan who lived in the East Village and holding up a puppy in one of his photos on Friendster. He made a big deal out of how he wasn’t some sleazy pervert, how he read my comedy blog along with my smuttier stuff. He was funny, smart, charming and cute, and intrigued me enough to go out with him. We had a very sweet and normal first date, culminating in a kiss on the cheek. The next night, he happened to be in my neighborhood, we wound up at the same bar, then back at my place, where things moved very quickly.

We started talking dirty, with him telling me all these long-held fantasies he hadn’t been able to tell his wife. It slowly became clear that "getting out of a long-term relationship" meant recently separated from his wife, who he’d been with for ten years. The next night, we were back at my place and he said something that still makes me angry: "I haven’t had such an intense orgasm in a long time." Well, that’s great, but what did I get for allowing him to share his filthiest thoughts with me, and maybe starting to care about him a teeny tiny bit (and thereby prompting such great sex)? A few days later he told me just couldn’t handle how things were going with us. I apologized for taking up his time and have mostly forgotten about him. I learned not only that giving someone good sex can be the path leading them to run screaming, but also that the guys who seem the nicest, all puppies and innocence, are often the ones you have to watch out for.

Luckily it was all over in a week and he's the big loser cause he missed the Dirty Dancing reenactment at my party, which I know he would have liked, so HA! Really, though, turning 30 has helped me put all the crazy losers and drama queens, you know, the ones I as a "pinch hitter" for and all the others, and people who've screwed me over behind me.

I'm ever grateful for my real friends and for the people who know that they want to "just be friends" and really ARE friends to me, very good ones. Speaking of friends-contrary to semi-popular opinion, Jessica Cutler is one of the sweetest, funniest, most outrageous, generous and overall adorable and entertaining people I've had the pleasure to meet. Somehow, I had that feeling about her before we even met, and am happy I was right.

Last night's reading, despite the rain, went very well. It was cozy and sexy and I will have some highlights from it later - Neal Medlyn read about jerking off at work, Andy Horwitz read a very slow build sexy story in a very low, husky, hot voice. Kathleen Warnock read about two women discovering the joys of anal sex and I read a fictional story about my real-life dishwashing fetish. Mark December 21st on your calendars for the Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 2 reading with Cheryl B., Tsaurah Litzky, Nichelle, Betty Taylor (aka Girlynyc), and Michele Zipp. We'll be reading, selling and signing books, drinking, and, most likely, doling out some spankings! Happy Ending Lounge, Wednesday December 21st, 8 pm. Free.