I'll never look at ketchup the same way again

I would pull out my favorite song lyric (or at least, right up there), by Elizabeth Elmore – “well there must be something wrong with me/cause everyone else makes it look so damn easy” because somehow, well, I feel like kindof a loser. And I know, I know, I’m not but at the same time, on some level, I am, and I just have to accept that and work to better myself as best I can. And I am, I really really am – I think I exude something lately not because of any sparkly new clothes I may be wearing, but because pieces of my life are all falling into place. Just not ALL of them, and I guess maybe I’m not ready, or…whatever. I guess I'm just greedy and want all my pie pieces to fit, but better some/most than none, right? Not sure if I really believe that, but I do have lot to look forward to - November's gonna be a really fun, party-filled month, I might go away to somewhere warm this winter, I'm going to Italy next year to visit my family, blah blah blah. Doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel like crying (and even do so).

How can I even begin to encapsulate how much fun last night was? It was like a giant traveling party filled with friendly faces, new and old. I walked in, a little late, right behind Lily Burana, and then was scanning the room trying to find Lisa. I thought she was Dame Darcy for a second, but Lisa Carver was dressed way more normally, in a pink sweatshirt, than she seemed. Anyway, she was super friendly and I was introduced to my fellow actors, and I’m sorry to say I don’t remember their names, just their faces and hteir “roles” as GG Allin or Jean-Louis Costes. I was crazy nervous but was calmed by the sight of GirlyNYC and a vodka and cranberry, but once my skit started, I had so much fun. I got to have my slip dress ripped with a knife and the guy’s hands, got to make out with him, got to fumble around the room and then fail as Lisa because I couldn’t/wouldn’t make out with slap random people! It was great, cause then this girl Anna took over and she couldn’t slap strangers either so Lisa had to do it. It was just so fun, so energetic, and lively. It was so fast and such an adrenaline rush and just that spirit of “we’re all in this together” – the audience wanted to have fun, and just like when I did Brutal Honesty, they get that you’re taking a risk. What’s funny is that being scantily attired or doing the acting bits didn’t feel risky at all, but having to basically maul strangers was hard. “They look so scared!” someone yelled, and it’s true, but I love Lisa for being that wild child, then and now. Afterward, I grabbed my ketchup-smeared bags and quickly walked out. Emma Taylor said hi on the way out and I was so loopy from having my stuff covered in ketchup and worried about being late I barely recognized her.

Then I hightailed it over to The New School to speak and read a story to Tsaurah Litzky’s erotica class. The students were really interesting and asked good questions and that was really fun. I then went to Galapagos, and saw some of the same people from KGB – the lovely Jami Attenberg, the funny Victor Varnado, Lisa’s agent Erin Hosier, Brian Battjer and Grant Stoddard, both back in New York after brief LA stints. Grant is apparently working at Muscle and Fitness and writing a column called “Freak to Geek” (I think that was it) which I want to check out cause he described it as an “I Did It For Science” type column, but about exercising, and Lisa seemed to enjoy poking his super buff bod through his sweatshirt. There was this super fun manic energy about Galapagos which culminated during “my” skit when Lisa dragged this heckling girl out from the audience to get “eaten out” by the guy playing GG, then Jessy Delfino graciously agreed to pee on him, onstage, and did, to the delighted disgust of everyone surrounding them. We were all in a bit of shock and glee simultaneously. I just felt very giddy and happy and would have gladly had slip #2 ripped off and just run around in my bra and fishnets. It was that kind of night. There’s more, I’m sure, but it was just one of those nights where everything was awesome and fun and silly and dazzling.

So I’m gonna keep that in mind, and all the awesome people I’ve been meeting who totally inspire me. I know good things are in the air, I know it, last night was proof, and I live in such a fucking awesome city that one night I can be getting my dressed ripped off on “stage” (well, couch) and the next going to a movie premiere and the next chatting with some of the most creative minds in the city. I love my life, I do, but…I’m definitely looking for a little more, but patience patience patience, something I have very little of, will have to be my mantra..