How to have a perfect Halloween party

Invite people to your never-before-seen Upper West Side apartment. Do not make costumes mandatory. Have said apartment be right near the train. Have out an array of yummy snacks and cool guests, some of whom have gone all out with the costuming and are unrecognizable. Tell me you had a sexy dream about me the night before. Have costumed guests including a Harriet Miers, a Valerie Plame, a very sexy witch host, Robin (I think), a guy as a cheerleader, a priest, and other assorted hotties. Invite super-cool writers and photographers who talk about clothes shopping, gossip, boys, girls, books and writing and nerdy subjects like that while getting your photo taken umpteen time, with only very minimal talk about blogs.

As guest, get to see super hot friend’s Hello Kitty underwear. Talk about birthday threesomes and gang bangs. Get totally flustered and embarrassed by people saying nice things about you. Get a copy of sexy witch host’s delectable, gorgeous galley of a book to start devouring on train ride home, bust out huge smile when see thanked in acknowledgements. See that on host’s block, there are many of your favorites: Burritoville, SoHo Cupcake Company, and soon to be Buttercup Bakeshop. Suddenly wish lived on Upper West Side. See dodgeball message this morning from friend who is “drunk off her ass” and realize you do not even know how to send such dodgeball messages, nevermind haven’t been drunk off ass in ages.

Conclusion: Even though felt blah and antisocial and down much of the day (when not baking yummy pie and cupcakes) and not in party mood, was duly revived and had wonderful time. Want more parties on UWS!