Email: rachelkramerbussel at


Lusty Lady

Watch my first and favorite book trailer for Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica. Get Spanked in print and ebook

Monday, October 31, 2005

little things

Totally overwhelmed, not even sure where to start, ultra busy week just got busier and we must get ready for our closeups...AGAIN. Exciting + nervewracking = nerves of steel required not to go out and get trashed. Why do I feel like my life's either about to get started or combust in a major way? It's gonna be two weeks of sheer madness. Welcome to 30. It's not that I'm that vain, but it's just...I'm much more comfortable on the other side. I like taking pictures for my friends, but this is big time, this is scary. And I'm used to being the one asking the nosy questions, not answering them. Speaking of which, I've got 6 juicy Gothamist interviews coming right at ya. Well, hopefully I will. Also, it's rare that I have to use the word "vomitous," but today I did. Yeah, I love New York...actually, I really do, but sometimes it totally grosses me out. But it's cool, and I have more important things to worry about than, well, that.

Like what to, I'm not gonna stress about that either cause I have too much I want to get done this week so next week I can chill and have fun.

Now onto more interesting things so I can actually try to do some writing in formats other than email:

Columbia Journalism Review interviews Elizabeth Spiers on her last day as Mediabistro editor-in-chief (that would be Friday)

Amy Sohn on not wanting kids

December 14th Jenny Vaudeville show

The Jenny Vaudeville Show

Wednesday December 14, 2005

Pete's Candy Store
709 Lorimer Street in Williamsburg

In December! Featuring comedian Carolyn Castiglia rapping in Dutch, Village Voice columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel reading erotic fiction, comedy duo the Rob & Mark Show jostling a flimsy box of angry wasps, a special musical guest, the comedic hosting of Jenisfamous, and prizes for audience-participation contests in trivia, literature, spelling, and more!

Directions to Pete's: Take the L train to the second stop in Brooklyn, Lorimer. Exit at the head of the train, and walk along Lorimer in the direction of the BQE. Pete's is 1.5 blocks past the BQE, on your left. 709 Lorimer Street, between Frost and Richardson Streets. (718) 302-3770.

More info --

John Hodgman Q&A about matters literary and The Areas of My Expertise

In which I try my hand at satire, today on Mediabistro

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Saturday night fever

Brian Van took over 200 photos on Saturday night, including many of GirlyNYC and the assorted other revelers

IN THE FLESH November 16th, 8 pm

There may be one more reader, but this is the lineup. Also mark your calendars for December 21st at 8 pm, when In The Flesh hosts the book party/reading for my new book Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z with me, Cheryl B., Tsaurah Litzky, Nichelle, Betty Taylor and Michele Zipp.

In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series
Wednesday, November 16th, 8 pm
Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, NYC (
Directions: B/D to Grand, F to Delancey, J/M/Z to Bowery

Join host Rachel Kramer Bussel, along with the talented Andy Horwitz (Potty Mouth,, Culturebot), Neal Medlyn (George and Martha, Mr. Lower East Side 2004) and Kathleen Warnock (Drunken! Careening! Writers!) for a night of rousing, racy erotica.

In the Flesh is a new monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed
erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include spanking stories, travel tales, fetishes, and erotic memoirs.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for
Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Andy Horwitz is a writer/performer in NYC. He is the creator of several hit comic monologues including "Potty Mouth", "B.F.D." and "Naked & Famous." His writing has been featured in, Heeb Magazine and other publications and anthologies. He is the editor of the alternative performance blog and recently ran for Mayor of New York City.

Neal Medlyn is a New York based performer who generally sings songs, runs amok, and changes his clothes, but he also has written horoscopes, been a go-go dancer and appeared in downtown films. His solo work has appeared at PS122, Fez, the Knitting Factory, the Culture Project among others. He toured the U.S. this summer, including performances at T:BA:05 Festival in Portland, Oregon and headlined an installment of the Late Night Cabaret with Murray Hill at the Philly Fringe Festival. He co-starred with Karen Finley in "George and Martha" and was elected Mr. Lower East Side in 2004. He is sometimes referred to as the Paris Hilton of Performance Art.

Kathleen Warnock a writer and editor who works in the near-New York City publishing world. She runs the Drunken! Careening! Writers! series at KGB and her work has appeared in A Woman's Touch, Best Lesbian Erotica 2003-6, Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica 2, and Friction 7. Kathleen also appeared onstage in Ed Valentine's "Women Behind the Bush," at En Avant Playwrights, and recently won a tidy sum of money on a gameshow. "What People Want" is Kathleen's novel-in-progress.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Manic Flight Reaction

RKB & Sarah
Originally uploaded by girlynyc.
GirlyNYC and I had front row seats for opening night of Sarah Schulman's play Manic Flight Reaction at Playwrights Horizons and had a really great time laughing and appreciating the show. Then we nibbled, took photos and chatted at the after party, where I had such a good time I left the package of stuff I'd won under a chair; fingers crossed that it's still there tomorrow. Much fun after a long day of filing endless papers with my intern and catching up on reading and a teensy bit of writing. Very tired, but the good kind of tired, just need more hours in the day to try to get stuff done but I'll figure it out somehow even though this week is jam packed with events.

too cute

Originally uploaded by brianvan.
And by that I mean way too sexy...not that I'm complaining, but you know.

With Lisa Carver twirling backstage at Galapagos

If you are looking for a book to read that will mesmerize you, do check out Lisa Carver's Drugs Are Nice: A Post-Punk Memoir. That night was so so fun, ketchup, pee, dress-tearing and all.

With Lisa Carver at Galapagos

With Lisa Carver at Galapagos
Originally uploaded by rkb2.
In my ketchup-stained slip backstage at Galapagos on Tuesday with the amazing Lisa Carver after the crazy golden shower scene onstage. Victor Varnado is in the background.

me looking uncertain

me looking uncertain
Originally uploaded by rkb2.
At the party last night, decorated with soft, fluffy cobwebs. Photo by Brian Van.

it's not a fucking contest

I try really hard to let my Voice columns speak for themselves and not elaborate here because they should stand alone, but almost all the feedback I've gotten on my latest column "On Not Having Sex" has been of the "Three months? I haven't had sex in ___ years" ranging from 5 1/2 to 20 to 45. FYI - the point was NOT that it's a contest or that the length of time is really the most important thing there. It could be a year or a month, the point was more how I reacted to that and how it makes me feel. Sometimes it doesn't bother me and sometimes it does; I think the persistent, ongoing rejections are more hurtful and difficult for me to handle than the fact of not having sex with someone else for a given period of time. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to react to the "that's nothing" responses, especially because obviously it's different for everyone. In other words, the point for me is less "I haven't had sex in three months" and more "All the people I want to have sex with don't want to have sex with me" and yes, that probably sounds a little bitter. I'm more sad about it than bitter, but am just gonna work on improving myself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually so that I can be the best person I can be - FOR MYSELF. No matter how many dozens of people don't want to date me, I'll still always be my harshest critic, and the only thing I can do in response to those criticisms is try to better myself and not be a lazy stupid lump like I often am. My natural inclination is toward laziness and letting things remain the same and not making any effort to solve my problems, especially when they seem so large and immutable, but I am trying, in my own little ways.

I guess the hope is that once I can be someone I'm proud of, I can find someone who'll want to be with me, warts and all. Or not. I'm fully prepared to get myself back on my feet, pay off my loans, get my life in order and raise kids by myself if I have to, but hopefully I won't have to and I know that I'm not going to figure all that out tomorrow. It's one day at a time with all of it, it's just hard sometimes to try to manage everything I'm trying to manage by myself. I'm slowly letting people help me, and it's wonderful to have such supportive friends and also people who can assist me in career stuff like the website, filing, publicity, etc., but I am a control freak and like to know what's going on and do what I can myself. All of which makes the dating situation a lot harder because it's the one that I have the least (read: no) control over. I've just come to accept that, am buying the 2006 He's Just Not That Into You calendar and trying to work around the clock while still having some fun. I fucked up my 20s so badly, was stupid and foolish and whimsical and couldn't look two seconds into the future to see that, say, signing a $40,000 student loan and living on Mercer Street just weren't good ideas for a 21- or 22-year-old spoiled brat who never wanted to go to the library. I spent those three years squandering every opportunity and every day since June of 1999 making up for it, and I think it's made me a better person. I can be the underdog, and I can handle monstrous debt, I can work my way up bit by bit. And about 80% or so of the time I'm okay with it all, I accept it, and that other 20% can just be really hard and depressing and lonely. Which isn't really under the purview of my column to write about, but is all wrapped up in the sex/no sex thing.

So anyway. I use "I" statements for a fucking reason. I NEVER presume to know anyone else's reality, I try so hard to only speak for myself and thoroughly investigate my own thoughts and experiences, while also trying to understand others'. But I absolutely abhor it when people put their judgments onto me and try to compare emotions. It doesn't work that way. There's no formula for X amount of rejection or loneliness + abstinence = your life story. I just cannot take that on in any way and while of course it's interesting and in the realm of what I wrote about, to phrase it so calculatingly just leaves me feeling icky and sorry I ever opened that door. I love writing but I also know there will never be enough words to explain certain things, especially to strangers, nor should there be. The people who get me, get me, and luckily I have a lot of them in my life. But the people who don't, well, they really really don't.

How to have a perfect Halloween party

Invite people to your never-before-seen Upper West Side apartment. Do not make costumes mandatory. Have said apartment be right near the train. Have out an array of yummy snacks and cool guests, some of whom have gone all out with the costuming and are unrecognizable. Tell me you had a sexy dream about me the night before. Have costumed guests including a Harriet Miers, a Valerie Plame, a very sexy witch host, Robin (I think), a guy as a cheerleader, a priest, and other assorted hotties. Invite super-cool writers and photographers who talk about clothes shopping, gossip, boys, girls, books and writing and nerdy subjects like that while getting your photo taken umpteen time, with only very minimal talk about blogs.

As guest, get to see super hot friend’s Hello Kitty underwear. Talk about birthday threesomes and gang bangs. Get totally flustered and embarrassed by people saying nice things about you. Get a copy of sexy witch host’s delectable, gorgeous galley of a book to start devouring on train ride home, bust out huge smile when see thanked in acknowledgements. See that on host’s block, there are many of your favorites: Burritoville, SoHo Cupcake Company, and soon to be Buttercup Bakeshop. Suddenly wish lived on Upper West Side. See dodgeball message this morning from friend who is “drunk off her ass” and realize you do not even know how to send such dodgeball messages, nevermind haven’t been drunk off ass in ages.

Conclusion: Even though felt blah and antisocial and down much of the day (when not baking yummy pie and cupcakes) and not in party mood, was duly revived and had wonderful time. Want more parties on UWS!

My review of A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure

I reviewed A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure by Melinda Gallagher and Emily Scarlet Kramer in today's New York Post

Friday, October 28, 2005

I'm speaking on a panel on porn November 21st

The Donald & Paula Smith Family Foundation

Presents a debate:

Porn in the Age of Instant Access:
What are the social effects of fast, cheap & stigma-free viewing?

Nick Gillespie
Editor, Reason Magazine

Rachel Kramer Bussel
Columnist Village Voice & Penthouse

Pamela Paul
author Pornified & The Starter Marriage

Ben Shapiro
author Porn Generation

Brooke Gladstone
NPR’s On The Media

The Internet and digital cable have allowed the purchasing and viewing of pornography to become easier than ever. While porn consumers can now easily keep their interests private, the porn producers has become more public and corporate. The U.S. porn industry now generates $12 billion annually: more than the combined revenues of the major television networks. What are the culture effects of this mainstreaming? Can and should there be a political response to these trends?

Monday, November 21st 2005
6:30 P.M. Prompt
(Free and open to the public - Reception to follow)

The Graduate Center
The City University of New York
365 Fifth Avenue, New York
(Corner of 34th Street & 5th Avenue)

RSVP here

Cute with eyes open or closed with Family and Other Accidents author Shari Goldhagen and Cheryl B last night. Thanks, Felicia!

Congratulations to Melody!

I don't get Time Out New York anymore so hadn't seen this - Congratulations to Melody Henry of Lucky 13 for being named New York's finest bar owner-author-yoga instructor! Melody is one of the sweetest, coolest, most hard-working people I know. I can't believe I never see her anymore - must fix that!

Way old news: My Gothamist interview with Melody

blogger hate

Why does Can't Stop The Bleeding hate Deadspin editor Will Leitch? Actually, I don't really care, though I am semi-amused at their incessant ragging on him, which I was alerted to last night. Keep your friends close, enemies closer, my friends, although I prefer to stay far, far away from my enemies, but that's just me.

Great Jeannette Walls interview

There's a great Jeannette Walls interview about The Glass Castle at Conversations With Famous Writers but the real action's in the comments section. Who is anonymous and what is their problem with Jeannette?

This book looks yummy

That's all I've got for now, busy with umpteen projects, as always. At least I have a birthday party to look forward to plus everything else happening in the next crazy 2 weeks. I have nothing to do with this book, just thought it looked like fun, it comes out in March from Cleis. Speaking of sugar, I'm baking apple pie and chocolate cupcakes tomorrow - yum!

Lips Like Sugar

Lips Like Sugar

Speaking of Violet Blue, she so gets the need to write:

If I have any friends left, they are the only ones who understand deadlines and the intense need to write. I disappear when I write like this, I feel translucent. Ghostwriters must feel like this, but even more ghostly, more invisible; I could never be a ghostwriter, even though I can produce content like one. Reading this, you are more in contact with me than my close friends. It really is like dating me, in so many ways; I'm inconsistent but still yours. Reading me is intimacy.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Blondes, brunettes or redheads?

For my December 20th (!!! - I am never this ahead, but trying to be more organized, even though I'm drowning in work) column, I want to write about people who have a particular preference for blondes, brunettes or redheads (or, say, people with blue or purple or white hair, whatever) - if you have a hair color fetish or obsession, tell me all about it at blog at (as always, you can use a pseudonym, and it can be an overall philosophy or a story of a girl or guy with a particular hair color that bewitched you, whichever). I myself have no hair color preferences but have been known to go for a redhead or two in my time.

a classic (maybe THE classic) "Life as a Loser" column

I love how I get to quote my friends, and especially how, with all the knowledge and reading I try to cram into my brain, I can remember stuff long after I've read it - "This Column Is About Sex" by Will Leitch is one of my favorites of his work, here's a highlight but do yourself a favor and read (or reread as the case may be) the whole thing:

A couple of months ago, as a practice session intended to help correct this writing deficiency, I sat down to write a 2,000-word piece about my most recent intense, powerful sexual experience. To make sure I got in the groove, I drank about a quart of Dewar’s, shut off all the lights and cranked up Motley Crue’s Dr. Feelgood (when writing about love, try Miles Davis; when tackling sex, nothing but the Crue will do). Adequately drunk, I tore in and tapped away for about three hours straight, pausing only for three cigarettes and to restart the CD. I didn’t read what I wrote until I woke up the next morning. It could not have been more embarrassing if it had been written by one of my former partners with an ax to grind. It read like Garrison Keillor being anally raped by David Foster Wallace. Here’s a tip: When trying to write sexy, avoid the words labyrinthine, perpendicular, snorkel and mayonnaiseish. I beg you to trust me on this one.

A market has sprung in recent years for sex columnists. We’ve actually had a few on Ironminds. People love reading sex columns, but I’m not sure I ever believe them. It’s one thing to be frank and matter-of-fact about sex; it’s another entirely to confess the weird shit you do in print, with your name attached. If most of these women (and, of course, they’re always women; a guy’s columns about sex would always have the same predictable, abrupt end, and they’d all run about 150 words) had sex as often as they claimed, I don’t know how they’d even have time to write their columns. And how real can it be when everyone you’re having sex with knows you’re a sex columnist? I would suspect, knowing most guys, that would be more of a detriment to finding willing subjects than a benefit. (And, come to think of it, if you’re a sex columnist, is it OK to miss deadline because you’re having sex? Is it considered research? What kind of stuff can you write off on your taxes? Do you ever punch a time clock?)

photo op

Here's a photo of me at the Pride & Prejudice screening last night - thanks to KP for the invite. The first few photos are of the delicious pink cupcakes (vanilla/vanilla - my favorite cupcake!) from Little Cupcake

More contests than you know what to do with

courtesy of Life & Style

If there's a cuter book in existence, please tell me about it

Yes, babies (and parties) cheer me right up:



Even though it's fiction, hopefully it's true

Otherwise I'm really, really fucked. From Girly by Elizabeth Merrick

"As often happens, the best, most precious things in life have their root in a moment when you could never imagine things being less than dreary and awful."

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'll never look at ketchup the same way again

I would pull out my favorite song lyric (or at least, right up there), by Elizabeth Elmore – “well there must be something wrong with me/cause everyone else makes it look so damn easy” because somehow, well, I feel like kindof a loser. And I know, I know, I’m not but at the same time, on some level, I am, and I just have to accept that and work to better myself as best I can. And I am, I really really am – I think I exude something lately not because of any sparkly new clothes I may be wearing, but because pieces of my life are all falling into place. Just not ALL of them, and I guess maybe I’m not ready, or…whatever. I guess I'm just greedy and want all my pie pieces to fit, but better some/most than none, right? Not sure if I really believe that, but I do have lot to look forward to - November's gonna be a really fun, party-filled month, I might go away to somewhere warm this winter, I'm going to Italy next year to visit my family, blah blah blah. Doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel like crying (and even do so).

How can I even begin to encapsulate how much fun last night was? It was like a giant traveling party filled with friendly faces, new and old. I walked in, a little late, right behind Lily Burana, and then was scanning the room trying to find Lisa. I thought she was Dame Darcy for a second, but Lisa Carver was dressed way more normally, in a pink sweatshirt, than she seemed. Anyway, she was super friendly and I was introduced to my fellow actors, and I’m sorry to say I don’t remember their names, just their faces and hteir “roles” as GG Allin or Jean-Louis Costes. I was crazy nervous but was calmed by the sight of GirlyNYC and a vodka and cranberry, but once my skit started, I had so much fun. I got to have my slip dress ripped with a knife and the guy’s hands, got to make out with him, got to fumble around the room and then fail as Lisa because I couldn’t/wouldn’t make out with slap random people! It was great, cause then this girl Anna took over and she couldn’t slap strangers either so Lisa had to do it. It was just so fun, so energetic, and lively. It was so fast and such an adrenaline rush and just that spirit of “we’re all in this together” – the audience wanted to have fun, and just like when I did Brutal Honesty, they get that you’re taking a risk. What’s funny is that being scantily attired or doing the acting bits didn’t feel risky at all, but having to basically maul strangers was hard. “They look so scared!” someone yelled, and it’s true, but I love Lisa for being that wild child, then and now. Afterward, I grabbed my ketchup-smeared bags and quickly walked out. Emma Taylor said hi on the way out and I was so loopy from having my stuff covered in ketchup and worried about being late I barely recognized her.

Then I hightailed it over to The New School to speak and read a story to Tsaurah Litzky’s erotica class. The students were really interesting and asked good questions and that was really fun. I then went to Galapagos, and saw some of the same people from KGB – the lovely Jami Attenberg, the funny Victor Varnado, Lisa’s agent Erin Hosier, Brian Battjer and Grant Stoddard, both back in New York after brief LA stints. Grant is apparently working at Muscle and Fitness and writing a column called “Freak to Geek” (I think that was it) which I want to check out cause he described it as an “I Did It For Science” type column, but about exercising, and Lisa seemed to enjoy poking his super buff bod through his sweatshirt. There was this super fun manic energy about Galapagos which culminated during “my” skit when Lisa dragged this heckling girl out from the audience to get “eaten out” by the guy playing GG, then Jessy Delfino graciously agreed to pee on him, onstage, and did, to the delighted disgust of everyone surrounding them. We were all in a bit of shock and glee simultaneously. I just felt very giddy and happy and would have gladly had slip #2 ripped off and just run around in my bra and fishnets. It was that kind of night. There’s more, I’m sure, but it was just one of those nights where everything was awesome and fun and silly and dazzling.

So I’m gonna keep that in mind, and all the awesome people I’ve been meeting who totally inspire me. I know good things are in the air, I know it, last night was proof, and I live in such a fucking awesome city that one night I can be getting my dressed ripped off on “stage” (well, couch) and the next going to a movie premiere and the next chatting with some of the most creative minds in the city. I love my life, I do, but…I’m definitely looking for a little more, but patience patience patience, something I have very little of, will have to be my mantra..

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Drugs Are Nice and Lisa Carver is fucking brilliant

Lisa Carver (along with skits and songs by me and Jessy Delfino and others) is reading tonight at 7 at KGB Bar, 85 West 4th Street. She is also on MySpace and her essay "I Was A Teenage Prostitute" is up on Nerve. Add her, and READ HER BOOK.

I finally finished Lisa Carver’s memoir Drugs Are Nice, and it was the kind of book that I either didn’t want it to end, or want to immediately turn it over and start again. Lisa is so, so inspiring, and I think it goes beyond Rollerderby or the counterculture. First of all, she writes in such an immediate, visceral way. She doesn’t look back except a little at the end, but she takes you right there, into the joy and the misery. She doesn’t sugarcoat it, and I think there’s probably a really strong tendency to foreshadow, but she doesn’t. She takes you from her childhood and then weaves everything she told you in the first parts of the book into the latter, because life is chronological like that. At the end, she’s with her best friend Rachel, just like at the beginning, but different. She takes readers on wild adventures in Paris and performance art spaces, through theory high and low, and action. When she writes about putting out Rollerderby, I think any writer will get the thrill of the hunt for the perfect word, for perfection right there in your own hand.

But what makes this book so moving to me is what I look for in anyone I admire, and especially in the memoirs that I treasure and cradle and reread and put in a prominent place, the ones I pick up every time I pass them in a bookstore or see in someone else’s place. Ones like How I Became Hettie Jones, one of my favorite books, and that’s that Lisa practices the art of self-invention. She does NOT accept the fate life has dealt her, does not simply go with the flow and the status quo because it’s expected. Hettie Jones wasn’t even born Hettie Jones; she was born Hettie Cohen, and married LeRoi Jones, who later became Amiri Baraka (and they had Bulletproof Diva author Lisa Jones). Hettie wrote about the struggle, the literal break with her family, one that was painful but necessary, and Lisa does too. Jeannette Walls told me when I met her that memoirs should be universal, and drugs are Nice is, in the best way; it constantly made me think about my own relationships with my family, about how I have and haven’t gone with the status quo. I am not a punk, I never threw anything on stage or did any of the outrageous things Lisa did, but, but, but—I am definitely not who I was groomed to be. In many ways I am a “nice Jewish girl” but I did not follow the path that was set for me. Yes, I went to college, then law school, and then I imploded. Part of me was dying in there, I just felt so laughed at and stupid and wrong, and it’s funny because I think when you finally realize your destiny, it is as easy as Marianne Williamson says. “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This was brought back to me dramatically because I got a call from Jessy Delfino, who I recommended to Lisa for a very special, wild performance art piece, and now she’s on tour with her. That made me feel so good, just like I’ve finally found my place in the world, and even if my role is not to write great masterpieces, to write the little things I have been, but to connect people, then I’m okay with that. I like that. I love connecting people. It’s funny because there’s that phrase “it’s all about who you know,” and it’s always said with derision, like that’s a bad thing, like nepotism, and yet, I’ve discovered that “who you know” is important, perhaps all-important…as a starting point. Not as the be-all, end-all, but I’m constantly asked for information about “who I know” and I hadn’t realized that that’s knowledge too. Not the kind you can learn in any grad school classroom, and not the kind that can be sleazily weaseled into with slimy handshakes and business cards. It’s the kind that comes from having a community, a group of people who you trust and who trust you, who value you and you value them. I love helping my friends not just because they’re my friends, but because they’re so fucking brilliant and talented, they are so smart and I’m so proud of them, and it all comes full circle. I like knowing that Jill Soloway and Lily Burana and countless other people all also know how genius Lisa Carver is—and I want everyone to know. Really. Drugs Are Nice made me fall in love with writing again, made me want to seduce and caress words again instead of writing in nice straight lines, instead of being so literal and straightforward. It made me want to write in such a way that you want to lick the words, you want to let them float off your tongue, because Lisa’s do. They explain but they also create and expand language and ideas; she is constantly thinking, appraising, and she never shies away from analyzing herself and those around her. It’s in some ways a bittersweet book, but it’s all the more brilliant for it, because it doesn’t wallow in the horror but walks through it and examines it, all with an eye to the broader picture. Lisa looks at the cooptation of underground culture and her own role, and is self-aware yet also always has more to discover.

I want to surround myself with people like that, who know that they are works-in-progress, who don't settle and who do strive to improve themselves, and most of all, I want to be that kind of person. It doesn't have to mean constant change, but I like movement and action, I get antsy sitting around. I know that I'm as fucked up as anyone else, and for probably the past decade, at least since I started at NYU Law, I've just wallowed in that and thought it was happening to me but I've realized, especially lately, that the power is within me to change, to be different if I don't like myself, to not rely on anyone else's approval or opinion, whether positive or negative, because they can't fill that hole, ever. It'll just be there, still, buried under mounds of external, false approval that can disappear in an instant. I can't believe I get to play Lisa in a skit, I'm very excited, hope I can do that scene justice.

Which means that the person who wrote that she glamorized prostitution in her essay on Nerve needs to read the whole fucking book. Everyone is entitled to their experiences and ideas and reactions and she explores all of that in depth. And when she writes about Rollerderby: “If I feel like throwing something away because it leaves me exposed and ridiculous, if it makes me feel like throwing up, that’s my editorial guide to keep it.” If only we could all be as brave.

Tigers and Monkeys show this Friday

Freaks and friends,

Tigers and Monkeys will be performing at midnight this Friday, October
28th in the Lower East Side!

Come join us at the Delancey Bar (downstairs) for a Halloween Fiesta.
The festivities begin at 7:30pm and there will be FREE BEER from 8:30pm
til 9:30pm.

Set times are:

8pm Umbrah
9pm All the Ghosts
10pm Pagoda (actor Michael Pitt's band - we'll see!)
11pm Nozomi Phoenix
12am Tigers and Monkeys

WHERE: The Delancey Bar, 168 Delancey between Clinton and Attorney (J
to Essex, or F to Delancey)
WHEN: Friday, October 28th, 2005
COST: $7.00 / FREE BEER from 8:30-9:30 pm

$150.00 cash for best costume!OTHER GREAT PRIZES!
Costume Contest at the witching hour at the Stage!


Pretty book covers from Cleis

Pretty book covers from Cleis Press, both edited by my publisher for Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2 (out in late November!), Alison Tyler (she heads up Pretty Things Press). Hopefully I will have a story in Slave to Love; sadly, I had to withdraw my story "Taking It All" from Luscious - my bad, but next time. Also, news flash - just because it says something on Amazon doesn't mean it's true. Publishers submit info to them in advance, so I KNOW it says I have something in Naked Ambition but I don't. End of story.

Slave to Love

Slave to Love



Mediabistro interview with Becky Saletan, Editor-in-chief of Harcourt

I interviewed Becky Saletan, Editor-in-chief of Harcourt, for Mediabistro's From The Editors series. This is one of the best in that series, in my opinion - she's very thorough and elaborates on what she's looking for and her extensive experience in publishing.

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Growth Spurt Reading Series and Laugh Lounge Jimmy Kimmel showcase November 2nd

Yes, it's 2 events in one night (again!) - I'll be at Laugh Lounge but will be at Happy Ending in spirit:

WHERE: Happy Ending Bar 302 Broome Street @ Forsyth; 212-334-9676
(B,D to Grand Street or F, J, M, Z to Delancey)
WHEN: Wednesday, November 2. Doors open at 7 p.m., Reading starts at 8.
WHO: John Green, author of "Looking For Alaska"
Judy Goldshmidt, author of "The Secret Blog Of Raisin Rodriguez"


Growth Spurt Reading Series

Young adult books aren't just for young adults anymore. Many of today's best young (and old) writers are writing young adult books, and it's not about mice driving motorcycles; they're simply great books about people who are young. (We consider "Catcher in the Rye" a young adult book, thank you very much.) The best young adult writers around will read from their novels and, just to make sure they understand their characters, will finish the evening by facing each other in quiz bowl, with
questions covering topics you're supposed to learn in high school. Hosted by "Catch" and "Life as a Loser" author Will Leitch, the Growth Spurt Reading Series exemplifies the very best young adult literature has to offer ... especially for adults.

November, 2 2005 at Super Amazing Showcase @ Laugh Lounge
151 Essex St., New York, NY 10002 (I think this starts at 8)
Cost: $5

An amazing lineup of comics will appear in this showcase for Jimmy Kimmel Live! Many of the comics already have t.v. credits on Comedy Central, Conan O'Briend and others and are working towards getting their next set on t.v. The lineup includes: Ophira Eisenberg, Victor Varnado, Todd Levin, Dan Cronin, Andres duBouchet, Allison Castillo, Liam McEneaney, Chris Deluca, Susie Felber, Rob Paravonian and more! Reservations necessary: 212-614-250

November 1st Naked Ambition reading (not mine but fyi)

I will have a bunch of events in November to share with you - a reading November 3rd for Stirring Up a Storm, IN THE FLESH reading series on November 16, a panel I'm speaking on November 21st - all that later. For now, something on November 1st, then hop on the L train to go to the super hilarious 1 year anniversary Variety Shac, which I am not missing for anything! I have to say, I don't think I've ever been to a reading with this many readers!

Tues, Nov 1, 6-8 pm
Virgin Megastore, Union Square

About the anthology:

Other contributors reading:
Laura Leu (Stuff Magazine)
Jill Sieracki (editor of Playgirl)
Violet Blue (author)
Regina Lynn (Wired)
Jamye Waxman (sex advice columnist/Playgirl)
Lisa Massaro (Club Magazine)
Tristan Taormino (Village Voice columnist)
Holly Randall (erotic photographer)
Stormy Daniels (Wicked Pictures contract star, writer & director)
Nina Hartley (porn star)
Hester Nash (curator of
Joanna Angel (founder of
Jennifer Martsolf (Marketing VP of Pipedream Products)
Sheila Rae (proprietrix of Eros Boutique)
Joy King (VP of Wicked Pictures)
Jewel DeNyle (founder of Platinum X Pictures)
Lainie Speiser (publicist for Penthouse)

Monday, October 24, 2005

Miriam's done it again - this time on "the walk of shame"

I have a lot I want to post, about gossip and New York's small worldness, the good and the bad, and Lisa Carver's absolutely fucking brilliant book Drugs Are Nice and other things but...that will have to wait. Too tired and too much to do. For now, I will point you to my awesome friend Miriam Datskovsky's latest Columbia Spectator Sexplorations column about the meaning of "the walk of shame." I know I keep linking to her, but it's because her columns keep blowing me away.

As funny as it may be, there is something seriously wrong with the phrase “the walk of shame.” Yes, you might still be wearing your clothes from the night before and your makeup might be running down the sides of your face—but who said anything about shame? It’s easy to say “who cares” and be done with it; the truth is that shame and judgment are prevalent in sexual culture. We are ashamed of, and we judge, everything from a small penis to unshaven legs to the clothes we wear. College students aren’t the only culprits; journalists and sexperts alike judge and degrade our ability to think and act clearly when it comes to sex.

me at Rififi last night

Originally uploaded by girlynyc.
I tried to pretend like my slinky camisole top was part of the "Slumber Party" theme of the comedy show Million Dollar Bash, but really I just wanted to wear it.

I love this photo

Girly Double-Fisted w/Cameras
Originally uploaded by candiedyams.
GirlyNYC manages to make cameras so sexy!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

What I'm reading (or will be reading)

Books galore
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Dacia and Ellen

Dacia and Ellen
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
Dacia and Ellen at my reading on Wednesday. So cute!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Congratulations to Barbara Nitke for signing with Regan Books!

From Barbara Nitke, photographer and activist:

I am thrilled to announce that my book deal with Judith Regan at ReganBooks is now official!!!

AMERICAN ECSTASY: MEMOIRS OF A PORN PHOTOGRAPHER will be a coffee table book with 100 color photographs and stories from behind the scenes of making X-rated movies in New York back in the 1980's.

Having this book published is a dream come true for me, and I am honored that Judith has taken it on. She is brilliant, has impeccable taste, and is probably the only editor in the country with enough nerve to publish this work uncensored.

Look for it in bookstores in late 2006 or early 2007.

Need info on adult podcasts

I'm doing a story for a national sex magazine about adult podcasts (can be erotica, sex-related, porn, anything "adult/sex" that's a podcast) and am looking for info popular podcasts and podcasters to interview. So if you have a great adult podcast or are an avid listener or can recommend one, please email me at blog at with "podcast" in the subject line. I know about Violet Blue and the Dawn and Drew show already. Thanks!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Latest Lusty Lady column, "On Not Having Sex"

Not really a two parter, but my next column will be on the same topic but talking to two proponents of abstinence. You'll see.

On Not Having Sex
Three months of sleeping alone yield some surprising conclusions

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Tuesday October 25th: KGB Non-Fiction Reading Series with Lisa Carver and Kristin Kaye

Also, Grace Reading Series now has a blog,, and has an interview up with the wonderful Jill Soloway. Meanwhile, you will not get to read my drunken banter in next week's issue of New York magazine. Maybe you never will, but I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep trying to get an answer. Update: Look for that article in the November 14th issue of New York,, though clearly I will also be blogging about it. If I like how it came out, it'll be a little post-birthday merriment; if I don't, well, welcome to my 30s. But I'm excited.

Please join us for a night of non-fiction for and about tough broads. Lisa Carver reads from her new memoir, DRUGS ARE NICE, and Kristin Kaye reads from her book about female body builders, IRON MAIDENS.

Doors open at 7PM; readings begin at 7:15.

KGB Tuesday Night Non-Fiction: 85 E. 4th Street between 2nd & 3rd Avenues.
Subway F/V to Second Ave, 6 to Bleecker. FREE! --

Lisa Carver: DRUGS ARE NICE -- A Post-punk Memoir

In this eye-opening memoir, Lisa Crystal Carver recalls her extraordinary youth and charts the late-80s, early-90s punk subculture that she helped shape. She recounts how her band Suckdog was born in 1987 and the wild events that followed: leaving small-town New Hampshire to tour Europe at 18, becoming a teen publisher of fanzines, a teen bride, and a teen

Spin has called Suckdog's album Drugs Are Nice one of the best of the '90s, and the book includes photos of infamous European shows. Yet the book also tells of how Lisa saw the need for change in 1994, when her baby was born with a chromosomal deletion and his father became violent. With lasting lightness and surprising gravity, Drugs Are Nice is a definitive account of the generation that wanted to break every rule, but also a story of an artist and a mother becoming an adult on her own terms.

Kristin Kaye: IRON MAIDENS -- The Most Awesome Female Muscle in the World

At age twenty-three and fresh out of drama school, Kristin Kaye landed her dream job: to write and direct a Broadway show in New York City. Its title, The Celebration of the Most Awesome Female Muscle in the World, starring twenty-five of the world¹s most muscular women. Her mandate? To turn The Celebration into a High Art Happening exalting women's
physical and intellectual strength.

Kaye thought this was her chance to enter a whole new feminist arena, but in reality she was about to enter another world entirely: her carefully orchestrated artistic interludes would be sandwiched between skits involving white lace thongs, smoke machines, and a bodybuilder spinning by her neck.

Kaye tells the whole story in this hilarious book, alternating between an account of directing the show, which builds to the disastrous climax of opening night, and reportage on women¹s bodybuilding and the little-known sub-culture around it, including the use of steroids, the side business of strong women who wrestle men for money, and the judging controversy that threatens to split the sport in two.

Scotty looks different out of his outfit

a de-bunnied Scotty gets ready to go
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
See for more of his bunny pics!

I closed my eyes for a second

I closed my eyes for a second
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Nichelle spanks Scotty

Nichelle spanks Scotty
Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Nichelle kisses Scotty's feet

Nichelle kisses Scotty's feet
Originally uploaded by rkb1.
The real action happened before the reading even started!

the crowd at In The Flesh

the crowd at In The Flesh
Originally uploaded by rkb1.


Jennifer Whitlock reading at In The Flesh


Meghan Cleary's shoes say she's a firecracker!

Meghan Cleary reading at In The Flesh


Martha Garvey reading at In The Flesh


In The Flesh photos

Allison & Scotty & Cupcakes
Originally uploaded by girlynyc.
A bunch of photos from Wednesday's In The Flesh reading at Happy Ending coming your way. This one's of performer Scotty the Blue Bunny with Allison, who very sweetly brought cupcakes from our favorite bakery, sugar Sweet sunshine.


Thursday, October 20, 2005

The reading!

I had SO much fun at last night's reading, I can't even tell you. Happy Ending is the coolest, most accomodating and awesome place to have a reading ever. They were totally generous and fun and it's such a sexy setting, it made the evening extra perfect. Photos coming soon.

Scotty the Blue Bunny wowed us all with his see-through blue sequined outfit and killer lucite heels and magnificent poetry that was full of innuendo, about drinking, shoes and Ducky Doolittle, when not about gay buttsex. He charmed the crowd as only he can.

Martha Garvey read part of her story "How To Fuck a President So It Means Something or 'Q'" (whether you were there or not, check it out). She read about fucking John Quincy Adams, and had the best line - "I've come from the future to fuck you," but told me she left out other Presidents and Eleanor Roosevelt for the sake of time!

Miss Meghan Cleary not only told me my Fluevogs mean that I like to have fun and am playful, but read some very suggestive poetry, had a little Mama Gena's reunion with Martha and Nichelle, and namechecked Betty Dodson, not to mention looked stunning doing so.

Jennifer Whitlock read from her story "Sex With His Ex," which takes place at a swing club, and was just getting to the juicy parts but I had to cut her off, though she worked a little of it in.

I read an oldie but goodie, "Lap Dance Lust," one of my favorites. It's about my first lap dance, at Cheetah's in LA, and one of the reasons I love it is because it's very hot, and I did this thing where the words speed up when the lap dance starts, so it's fun to read, but I also love it because there's no sex in it. No kissing even. But it's still definitely erotica.

Also, Meghan and Scotty both invoked their grandmas - how sweet. It's weird sometimes for me to reread old stories - they're hot still, but sometimes they just don't speak to me in the same way. Maybe my tastes have changed, what turns me on has changed, and that's good if it has, because then those stories capture a moment in time, a memory, a certain place for me in my life. Anyway, I'll post the November lineup as soon as I have it finalized.

Thank you to everyone who showed up, from the strangers to the people I know, especially Nichelle, Allison, who brought cupcakes, and Heidi, who photographed using two cameras and made a fashion statement in the process - you guys were so supportive and cheering and hooting and hollering. Maybe the candy made you more feisty, or everyone's saucy words.

So much fun stuff planned for the next readings, and I even have some speakers set for March and April. TBA once everything's all set.

Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong

Russ Kick, the man behind The Memory Hole and books such as 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know, knows how to put together a book, I tell you. His latest is the massive, and I do mean massive, volume Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong. Click through for the table of contents and info on it. It covers a whole range of sexual experiences, and features essays by some of my friends, including Jen Sincero "On Being a Sexmonger" and Audacia Ray's awesome and funny piece about trying to figure out her fetish (she ponders sneezing, amputees and guns) before reaching her conclusion. And my Voice columns about Betty Dodson and her boyfriend Eric Wilkinson are in there too. But an extra special place in my heart goes out to Educated Slut Jane Vincent who wrote about me in the sweetest, sexiest possible way and made me both smile and blush. I'm so used to being the one doing the writing that to find someone describing my sexual responses in print is...interesting. Anyway, if you can carry it home, I highly recommend it - I think we're doing a reading sometime soon at the Museum of Sex, will let you know. Lots of events coming up, some more nervousness-inducing than others.

Lisa Crystal Carver makes me happy to be alive

Drugs Are Nice

Drugs Are Nice

I just feel so happy lately, and it's weird - I'm happy often, but not like this, not where every day just feels so fresh and exciting. And it's weird because the single thing...I just feel like it will take care of itself. I'm not worried, not freaking out, not embroiled in drama over it. It's taken me a really long time to get over the "dating your writing" stigma, but I'm at a place where I just don't care what anyone else thinks (or at least, I try to tell myself that - the truth is that I care too much, I have the thinnest skin imaginable, but I also realize that I have to make myself happy first and foremost before I can ever possibly attempt to make anyone else happy, so I'm focusing on that righ now). I had to unexpectedly write a new Voice column for next week and it deals with this period of abstinence, but there are so many other amazing, brilliant things and awesome freinds old and new, babies and family and my apartment that's all mine and writing projects. And words...I remember this interview with Sleater-Kinney a while back in Curve and Corin Tucker said something like (I'm paraphrasing) "I'm in love with music" and sometimes I feel that way about words. And I know that makes me a hopeless dork, a bookworm, a nerd, but you know what? That's who I fucking am. I have never pretended to be otherwise. I love books, I love words, I love discovering new things about other people and myself via their words. I connect with that, I just have always loved to read. And it's not that I don't go out and socialize but words calm me, help me make sense of what I see and hear and do and I guess I gravitate toward people who feel the same.

Today I felt like a pseudo-hipster - I was listening to Containe, that album with "Birds Don't Think They're Flying" and had just cracked open Lisa Crystal Carver's Drugs Are Nice: A Post-Punk Memoir. As a reader, I love starting new books; in fact, sometimes I worry that I have too short an attention span, and with the constant influx of new books, I'm tempting to start them all and wind up "reading" 10 books at once - obviously not actively, but I'll carry around 1-3 (or more, but usually topping out at 3) and then alternate them when I have smidgens of time to read. But anyway, I started Lisa's book and in just a few pages was drawn in, completely. Lisa's voice is so compelling; she writes about both ordinary and extraordinary facets of her life and just is so upfront and honest and offbeat but without at all striving to be anything but herself. I love that in anyone; I'd rather read someone I wildly disagree with than someone boring. I like books and people who open my mind, who make me excited and want to talk to them (or read them) for hours, who just make today different from yesterday in some visceral way, and for having read those pages, I am changed somehow - awed, excited, wanting to know more. Maybe I'm not just dating my writing, but having a love affair with words, and there's a huge part of me that rebels against that - I should forget about this nonsense (blogging, writing, reading) and be out there looking, on the prowl, trying to find someone to date. It's not either/or, I know, but still, that's where my mind goes. Last night, which I will post about more, was so amazing, and made me realize I have the most wondrous supportive friends who get me and love me and support me and I also felt that same feeling of something I'm having trouble describing, but bliss, maybe. Happiness. In the photos Heidi took, I'm happy, I'm smiling, I was grinning all over the place, my cheeks are red not from blushing or coughing or embarrassment, but from happiness. I like that. I need to get used to that a little more. I need to stop caring whether my ramblings make sense to anyone else, stop trying to conform - not that I do, but I have in the past. I've thought that if I could just be a little more...not me...then it would make people fall in love with me, and not only doesn't it work, but what's the point of that?

A very long time ago, when I was another person, or, a very different version of me, I was in law school and flailing in that ill-fated environment and discovering all this indie rock and new music and tracking down every Mary Lou Lord clippipng I could. I wanted to get an old copy of Rollerderby and called a number and wound up speaking to Lisa Carver. It was a short conversation, but she was so nice. I think she said something like I didn't sound like a law student. There was another exchange with this writer Min Jin Lee - I'd written her a fan letter, and she wrote me back a note that said "You sound like you have books in your voice." Clearly, I was not meant to be a lawyer. And around that time was when I started listening to bands like Containe (Fountaine Toups of Versus and Connie Lovatt, released on Gail O'Hara's Enchante Records, all of which I was highly enamored of back then, and still am though not as actively). It's just funny to find relics from what feels like a past life, and realize that I'm in exactly the place I want to be right now. I will probably always have an inferiority complex about my lack of a law or journalism graduate degree but I can categorically state that despite the $95K+ I owe, I'm so much happier now than I was during those three years of hell (or at least, the last two), and not just because I get paid to write, or speak, as the case may be. I was going to quote Liz Phair earlier this week ("it's nice to be liked/but it's better by far to get paid"), but it's not the money. It's the freedom; to pick the brains of people I admire, to connect with other writers, to put my ideas out there and see who notices, who shares my passions. That's what makes it worth being ridiculously in debt.

So back to Drugs Are Nice - here are a few sentences that just blew me away and I'm still in the prologue:

About her father: "He never called anything I wanted to do too dangerous and never corrected my plans. He spread freedom out before me like a giant hole, and I fell in.

And then he was gone."
(to jail)

"My classmates are a year older than me. They're all pairing up and deciding to become hairdressers and store managers and mothers. I still want to be a kamikaze or an arctic explorer or The Second Coming."

Lisa's coming to town next week; she's reading on Tuesday, October 25th at KGB Bar at 7 and then there's a party that I'm gonna try to hit up. In between, I'm speaking/reading again at Tsaurah Litzky's New School erotica class. So since I wrote that, thanks to the magicky magic of email, I am now going to be performing in a skit as Lisa on Tuesday! All I can tell you is...some of my clothes come off. Not in a dirty way though. She is wild and crazy in the best possible way. So when I went to look up her book on Amazon, I found a review written today by none other than the super awesome Jill Soloway who wrote:

You know how sometimes a book is a friend? You ignore your family and your work and getting sleep because you've just met a brand new best friend? That's how nice the book Drugs Are Nice is. Are. Line after line after wow after whoa after no way, she lived this and came out of it funnier and smarter and even more able to distill beauty, dripping it in perfect drops across her uterus-wrenching prose? Seriously? Seriously. Lisa Carver makes me want to write, and every time she writes another book, it gets better, which means I have to get better, which means we all do.

Exactly, Jill, exactly. So come to KGB on Tuesday for a not-to-be-missed performance (I don't mean me, I mean Lisa) and read her book in the meantime.

I thought it was on the down low but The Washington Post dishes the plot of Ana Marie Cox's Dog Days,, which I just devoured this week. Am hoping to do something "official" on it so won't blog too much other than to say I'm surprised no one's tried to go all Citizen Girl fake media campaign on Capitolette. And nothing could be more apropos than Cox's response to WaPo via BlackBerry. If anyone's the star of that book, it's the BlackBerry.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

My new reading series In The Flesh debuts tonight!

(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey,
Admission: Free

Stay warm this winter with the hottest and juiciest words in the city! Join us for the debut of In the Flesh, featuring Meghan Cleary reading erotic poetry, Martha Garvey and Jennifer Whitlock spinning sultry erotic stories, and Scotty the Blue Bunny reading and singing a sexy 1930’s ditty about promiscuity. Host Rachel Kramer Bussel will read an original naughty story.

In the Flesh is a new monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights including spanking stories, travel tales, fetishes, and erotic memoirs.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York City-based author and editor. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a Contributing Editor and columnist for Penthouse and writes the Lusty Lady column for The Village Voice. Her erotic stories have appeared in over 50 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004, and she’s edited her own collections, including Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z 1 and 2. Rachel has also written for AVN, Bust, Metro, New York Post, Punk Planet, Time Out New York and Velvetpark.

Meghan Cleary is the author of The Perfect Fit: What your shoes say about you from Chronicle Books. Her poetry has been published in The Hat, Cortland Review, La Petite Zine, Slipstream and Shade. She works and lives in Manhattan's West Village where she shops for shoes and writes juicy poems.

Martha Garvey's work has appeared in the New York Times, Salon,, and several editions of Best American Erotica. Her books on pet health, My Fat Dog and My Fat Cat, were published this year by Hatherleigh Press.

Scott Grabell, better known as SCOTTY THE BLUE BUNNY, sings, spiels, fiddles, eats fire, performs magic, modern dance, and is one of New York’s most beloved and towering inter-species personalities. Voted "Best Rodent To Have at a Party" by the Village Voice, and deemed a "New York nightlife fixture" by the New York Post, he has performed at Joe's Pub, Fez, Dixon Place, HERE, PS122, La Mama Etc. as well as featured on NY1, VH1, MTV, E!, and HBO's Real Sex. Scotty has also done solo cabaret work, and was a national touring member of the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus.

Jennifer Whitlock has been a writer for over 20 years, professional and . . . not so professional. She has written for The Philadelphia Inquirer, Prevention Magazine, and she was the lesbian comedian reporter for Allentown's Morning Call. "Sex With His Ex," which she will read at In The Flesh, is the first erotica she has published (in the anthologies Swing! and Best of Both Worlds: Bisexual Erotica) but there's no stopping her.


Monday, October 17, 2005

quote of the day

I just had to tell someone (who needed a hi-res photo of me) "I don't know hi-res from a whole in the wall." Clearly, I better learn fast as my life gets more and more goofily surreal but exciting. To be explained very soon.

Congratulations: a baby and a book

My friends are fertile and prolific - big, big congratulations to Carolyn Castiglia on the birth of her very adorable and long-awaited (by her and her husband and all of us in the comedy community who were worried Carolyn would be doing sets into her 11th month!) daughter, Adriana Theresa Maria Vink. Click through for her baby picture and I dare you not to want to shake hands with those adorable little fingers. Can't wait to meet her!

And congratulations to my friend and editor Elizabeth Spiers on the sale of her first novel, And They All Die In The End, to Simon & Schuster. I wish her successful freelancing and speedy writing so we can all get to read this sure-to-be-juicy-and-witty book. Speaking of juicy...I am reading an advance copy of Dog Days by Ana Marie Cox, which showed up in my PO Box on Saturday. I think the word that's been mentioned the most in the 100 or so pages I've read so far is...Blackberry.

Straight Girls and The Black Table

Ummm...what did The Black Table do to get kicked off the google news alert rounds? Because that's how I keep track of most things in my life. Well, not most things, but when my writing has been posted online. Too much going on in my head and my life for a proper post - suffice it to say, I spent most of the weekend on my couch sleeping, reading juicy novels, on my laptop and watching movies like 9 1/2 Weeks, Kinsey and Calendar Girls (No, I'd never seen any of them before). Though I am not feeling 100% well yet, I am much improved thanks to my supply of cold meds and Airborne and water. Catching up on umpteen things this week, so I will leave you with my little ode to straight girl crushes. NOT girl crushes, as fun as those are, but real, honest-to-goodness, leave-your-head-and-heart-spinning crushes, on straight girls (or rather, straight-girls-who-may-be-persuaded-to-make-out-with-me-if-I'm-lucky).

And, yes, I know about the Gawking. Just not quite sure how to respond. Please note: I don't hate The Magician or the people who party there (of course I adore the people whose parties I attended), I just can't stand being in such crowded places. Reminds me too much of my subway commute.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Tania Katan's My One-night Stand With Cancer

My One-night Stand With Cancer

My One-night Stand With Cancer

Improbable as it may sound, My One-night Stand With Cancer by Tania Katan is one of the funniest, bravest, most heartwarming books I’ve ever read. I laughed out loud (or at least chuckled quietly to myself) countless times. Katan somehow manages to convey her fear, anger and uncertainty about getting breast cancer, and having to have a breast removed, at both 21 and then again at 30, putting her decidedly at the younger spectrum of breast cancer patients, a point repeated throughout the book. But as she tells her tale in alternating eras (market by left breast, right breast, and no breasts), Katan finds the humor within any situation, from doctors mispronouncing her name to her attempts to hit the dance floor with only one breast to several truly crazy ex-girlfriends who are rendered in perfectly psychotic detail.

The first page clues us in to her sense of humor. "The Breast Clinic. A clinical setting or...a lesbian mixer? As a lesbian and optimist, I choose the latter." From her mom, who compulsively steals magazines, to the gay best friend who calls her "Katanilicious" and encourages her to try "alcohol replacement therapy," to her crunchy, granola brother, Katan also paints humorous portraits of those surrounding her as she goes through cancer, twice. Watching Survivor, she perks up, sure she has found a show that relates to her life.

"Today’s challenge involves skill, dexterity, and strength." I can so relate to that. I turn up the volume as the khaki-clad man continues to speak, "You will have ten minutes to move those wood dowels from there!"

I don’t get it? What kind of lame-o challenge is that? Wait a second. These people aren’t sick. What the hell kind fo “Survival” are they doing? They’re engaged in Contrived Surviving. This isn’t “Reality.”...

I’d give my left breast to be on a tropical island with twelve totally hot half-naked people–oops, too late...Why don’t they kick it up a notch and inject those young healthy survivors with a dash of cancer, a pinch of multiple sclerosis, and a touch of HIV? Some challenges might include Puzzle of Paralysis; Ring Around the Lesions; and Ductal, Ductal, Carcinoma. The new Survivor could be like the island of misfit toys: breaking broken people’s spirits, all set to a funky tropical soundtrack on the coast of Thailand. What do you think, MTV?

Television sucks. I think I’ll go masturbate?

Or an argument in San Francisco’s Good Vibrations with her craziest ex, the one who holds photos of her breast hostage, the ones taken only days before she will have her final breast removed, never returning them and complaining to Katan about how "hard" her life is: “The arguing began with Sal’s interest in the army-fatigue dildo and my expressing that I didn’t want to get fucked by the government any more than I have to.”

Yet for all the harrowing trials Katan goes through, and her extremely witty, hilarious take on pop culture and her own battles, the core of this book is about finding the good within the bad. The love of her life walks into a café where Katan works and they begin a 7-year friendship that eventually morphs into a relationship. One of the biggest things I took away from My One-night Stand is a short, short passage in which, for her birthday, Katan walks the labyrinth of San Francisco’s Grace Cathedral and does a visualization exercise wherein all the evils of her world–cancer, her cloying exes, anger–all go into a huge pink bubble which she blows into the distance, banishing it from her life. When I get to Katan’s last sentence, after she has successfully run the third of many 10K races, shirtless, in brilliant time, tears are streaming down my face. That last sentence? “I guess what I’ve figured out is that life is precious and temporary, so there’s no need to pretend to be someone other than who you are, even if you don’t always fit in.”

I’ve read plenty of books that have made me laugh out loud, or weep, tears unabashedly streaming down my face, but very rarely have they both been caused by the same book. And there are cupcakes here! Not just on the gorgeous cover, but inside, too, where Katan finds momentary solace in the sugary sweet goodness of a simple cupcake. She also has a blog, where she teases about her One-night stand with Paris Hilton, and promises that if 1 million people buy her book, she will tell us all about it. You don’t have to be a lesbian, breast cancer survivor, or anything except human to get a lot out of this fast-paced, incredible book (though it should be required reading for any dyke with a crazy ex, so pretty much any dyke). This is the kind of book I want to give to all my friends and say “Read this now!” So go, start reading.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Photos from Romaine's Sexy Slumber Party

Just one week ago, I joined some of my favorite ladies on the Derek and Romaine show (sans Derek, who was out of town) to read naughty stories, like "The Pants Girl" from the Daily News- and Gawker-worthy Stirring Up a Storm and eat cupcakes. There are photos up now on Romaine's site.

My Village Voice 2005 Best Of

It's the Village Voice's annual Best Of issue - I contributed 5 entries, not quite last year's whopping 17, but enough. One great one got cut for space, and sadly, I nominated Girdle Factory for "Best Sexy Vintage Clothes" and was assigned it but...they closed! And hundreds of other entries, so check them out, including many written by my awesome friends like Alexis Tirado, Rachel Fershleiser, Michael Malice and Joel Keller.

Best Man in Pink - Morty Diamond

Best Potty-Mouthed, Guitar-Slinging Comedian - Jessy Delfino

Best Education for Perverts - The Eulenspiegel Society

Best Hunger-Inducing Website - Slice NY

Best Overused, Overcrowded, and Overrated Bar for Hipster Birthday Parties - The Magician


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Otherwise known as Eef Barzelay

Tonic is billing their November 18th act as "Clem Snide Solo" - aka, Eef Barzelay. I'm a longtime Clem Snide fan, from back in the law school/zine days, even though I haven't kept up with their newer work, but would love to go see Eef again. "Exercise" classic, classic song. Eef is perfectly wacky and has this dry sense of humor but also creates some beautiful, twangy, amazing songs. And who could forget their cover of "Beautiful?"

Need web designer for writer's personal website

I have a couple of writer friends who are looking for a good, cheap, quality web designer to set up and maintain their websites. If you are such a person or know of anyone, can you email me at blog at with info/rates and I'll pass it along? Thanks!

Hot banana (or pickle) on papaya XXX action

He Comes Next

He Comes Next

Tickle His Pickle

Tickle His Pickle

Is it me, or is anyone else bothered by the "cutesy" angle of referring to men's and women's genitals as food items? In these two book covers, a man's dick is referred to (in one by name) as a banana and a pickle. Do guys not deserve a little more respect than that? Metaphors are great, but not when they get overused and wind up making a mockery and joke out of a serious topic. That's not to say there's not humor inherent in sex, but really, people! Could we not have books about
sex, even how-tos, that treat the subject with a little more intelligence?

cute kitty bunny from Craftapalooza

kitty bunny
Originally uploaded by craftapalooza.
I'm totally not crafty enought to attempt to make this--I'm just getting the hang of actually cooking dinners that don't come frozen--but still, this is adorable. From Craftapalooza

Quote in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

This just goes to show that journalists DO read blogs - this reporter contacted me because of my blog postings about Female Chauvinist Pigs.

"The rise of raunch culture" in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Let's just say I'm many more than 20 times a lady

Nichelle will especially love this one - I may have posted about this before, but Karyn Bosnak of ">Save Karyn fame has a new novel coming out in 2006:

TWENTY TIMES A LADY by Karyn Bosnak. Sold North American rights to Alison Callahan at HarperCollins.

A humorous new novel about a 29-year-old Manhattanite who's obsessed with her "number" (the number of men she's slept with) and what she does once she reaches her limit.

Also, is it me or is it a little amusing that Stefanie Iris Weiss's Gothamist interview (conducted by me) is touted here? That along with the kindof bizarre mention it got in the Everyone Worth Knowing NYT review I just found amusing, though am happy to report that hopefully by the end of the month I'll have all my November Gothamist interviews mostly done and am making headway with December, then a break from that hell (that I adore but is still a hell of a lot of work) for a while. I am trying sooooo hard to both get better and catch up and just move ahead and not keep doing the same old, same old, especially when those are nonpaying gigs. I'm trying, believe me, it's just an uphill battle lately to get any words out, I'm lucky if I make it out of bed and onto the train on time but I am making some proactive moves to get the organization going with some help and just networking and bonding with some awesome new writers I've met and hoepfully I will have good things to report on soon.

Break the fast at Mo Pitkin's

After you've repented for all of your sins on Yom Kippur, start the New Year off with a Break-Fast at 'Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction' that includes musical entertainment by Paul Shapiro's Ribs & Brisket Revue, an unlimited buffet and open bar! Culinary highlights include Pasta Varnishkes, Smoked Salmon Kreplach and a bevy of home-made blintzes; the unlimited drinks include their World Famous Manischevetini, He'Brew and a lovely Kosher Rioja. YUM! YUM!

Thursday, October 13
7-10PM, $35
Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction (34 Avenue A b/tw 2nd and 3rd Streets),
Co-hosted by the 14th Street Y

Congratulations to Audacia Ray

On her sexy appearance in this week's porn-themed Time Out New York! It was great to see her in there! (I wrote about her in one of my earliest Lusty Lady columns on "Whore Pride.")

Monday, October 10, 2005

You'll never look at Gawker Stalker the same way again

In which Todd Levin shrewdly dissects Gawker Stalker as it's never been dissected before, then gives us his LA celebrity sightings:

Todd on Jessica Alba: Get your pretty head out of the blue, and into a clinic! And no, you cannot fuck me. I'm saving myself for Bjork.

Heeb's sex issue - Jewish girls and blowjobs

I posted about this a while ago, but I guess the Heeb sex issue is out, including a cover story on Sarah Silverman and Ms. Jamye Waxman (click to go to Jamye's blog and see her "blowing" the shofar and me giving her a spanking on Derek and Romaine - she wrote, "The spanking felt good, really good, like a professional massage.") as the illustration and quoted in the article about Jewish girls and blowjobs:

Once known for filing their nails while enduring their monthly intercourse, today the oral prowess of the Jewish woman is the stuff of, if not quite le gend, then good-natured, if off-color, assumption. Latinas got back, French women don’t shave their pits, Jewish women give great head.

The writing is all over the Western Wall: Elizabeth Wurtzel’s account of the “accidental blowjob” in
Prozac Nation, the Hebrew Hammer’s mother urging a little oral action for her boychik over the dinner table in The Hebrew Hammer, Demi Moore becoming “Jewish with a vengeance” in Woody Allen’s Deconstructing Harry by making the blessing over the blowjob, my old friend Jessica famously fitting two cocks in her mouth at once during a particularly rowdy shabbaton.

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Michael Musto is the Best

That's it, just the best, period. Speaking of best, it's (can it really have been a whole year?) the Voice's Best Of issue this week. Remember last year, making me a "laughingstock" of the blogosphere? I'm sure you do. Be prepared for more. But here's Musto:

The best way to ruin my day is to run up to me and say, "I loved something you wrote recently, but I can't remember what it was."

"wiking off"

This has got to be one of THE nerdiest posts ever, but I'm friends with lots of (and am a total) nerd, so I will give you my friend L's definition of "wiking off." He wants me to try to use it in my everyday speech, but I'm not so sure I'm up for it.

Another book I'm looking forward to reading

The Pleasure's All Mine

The Pleasure's All Mine

The Pleasure's All Mine : A Sexual Memoir of a Submissive Who Has Trouble Taking Orders by Joan Kelly - due out in January by Carroll & Graf (what a cover photo!) - I may write a Voice column about pro subs. Once upon a time I entertained the notion of becoming one, though that was ages ago and I never really made any inroads into looking into it, but I find it fascinating. Amazon is listing it as "The Pleasures All Mine" as opposed to "The Pleasure's All Mine" and it's interesting to contemplate the former, though I believe the latter is the correct title. Despite the grammatical incongruity, I kindof like the plural version, making the reader imagine just how many and what sort of pleasures are hers. It kindof reminds me of Shawna Kenney's I Was a Teenage Dominatrix in a way, which I liked but thought could've been longer and meatier but was interesting nonetheless. Yes, I read sex work memoirs and love to hear stories from my sex worker friends.

Here's the Amazon description:

When Joan Kelly took a weekend job as a professional submissive in a private dungeon, it seemed she’d finally found a perfect outlet for her pent-up desires. Suddenly, Joan was being paid to do things she’d only fantasized about.

Having spent several years scouring the Internet unsuccessfully for a man who would dominate her in the bedroom without getting on her nerves outside of it, Joan had nearly lost hope of satisfying her sexually submissive urges. Now, using her professional name, "Marnie," she was being paid to do only what she felt like with kinky men who didn’t even expect to have any real sex in their sessions. To Joan, it almost felt like being paid to practice the art of self-centeredness–—except for the part where she had to kneel and address strangers as "Master."

The Pleasure’s All Mine offers the reader a rare, intimate, often amusing, sometimes disturbing look into the life of a professional submissive–—one whose drive for self-acceptance and respect is as relentless as her sexual need for the services she provides. Readers will experience many humorous, bizarre, frightening, and utterly entertaining events through the perceptive and insightful eyes of this writer.

Writing, oh writing

This New York Times article about writers' spaces in New York was interesting.

Another Brooklyn member, the novelist Lisa Selin Davis, was less jazzed. "I hear people typing and I freak out," she said. "I think: 'They're typing so fast. Why aren't I?' And then you've got the loud typists, and I always think they're showing off, and probably they're not typing anything; they're just hitting the keyboard."

But, well, I'm now living alone in one big writer's space - my apartment. Trying to make it work and motivate myself, especically when surrounded by so many books I want to read and cleaning to do and just other things than writing. I don't think I'd do well in a writer's space, and am trying not to waste money. Figuring out what it is that motivates me to actually get writing is, well, challenging. I definitely like silence, or music sometimes, but even when the music's on, I find myself blocking it out. I like to be alone, though I'm trying to make "writing dates" with a friend so we each just write and commit to that for a given amount of time. But I'm the kind of person who'll find any excuse to distract myself from what I should be writing. Sometimes just forcing myself to sit there until it's done, or partway done, works, but I think that leaves me with little motivation or knowledge of how to write longer pieces, how to sit for hours and only get 1/100th of a project done, when I'm used to being able to finish most things in one sitting. It's a challenge, certainly.

One of my favorite books on writing (along with everyone else) is Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones: Finding the Writer Within, which Shambhala published in big and tiny editions. I love the pocket version. It fits, literally, in your pocket, and there's something just perfectly compact and succinct about it. It's the portability, and also just the tactile sensation of holding an entire book of true but simple writing wisdom in my hand. They're releasing a new edition in January, and I have no idea where my pocket version has gone, so I may get it. Sometimes I let myself put off the writing and put off the writing until I'm just jolted-from sleep or reading or talking or whatever else I'm doing-and Must. Go. Write. Immediately. Those are good times, but also remind me that I should have listened to that nudging muse long before. I talk myself out of it because I think "no, whatever I write now won't be as good as what I'll write later" or I just find umpteen excuses not to write. But I'm going to try to stop that, to do what I can, when I can, even if it's not the whole thing, even if it's just scraps of sentences that never go anywhere, that never move beyond my computer screen. They're still valuable, they still mean something, and there's clearly a reason they're clattering around in my brain, racing like a Tilt-a-Whirl until they make me dizzy.

Miriam Datskovsky's Sexplorations column, "Bittersweet Dreams"

She's done it again - my awesome new friend Miriam Datskovsky has written a brilliant column for the Columbia Spectator that makes me marvel at her ability to write about sex in such a seamless, honest, intelligent way - and she's only 20! Seriously, this is a great column, about sleep, sex and the intersection (or not) of the two:

Equating the desire to sleep with someone with a quest for comfort and security is the easy part; it’s figuring out why you’re searching for that comfort and security that’s hard...

There’s a power play involved in the decision to sleep (or not) with someone. It can be satisfying to leave somebody you don’t care much for alone in his or her bed; it often feels violating and insulting when somebody you do care for leaves you all by yourself.

Maybe it’s because we live in a world in which sex can be so easy that sleep becomes so hard. When sex comes with little or no commitment, sleep suddenly does. Something has to. It might be easy to be sexually intimate, but that’s not to say that sexual freedom—for all its benefits—doesn’t come without a cost.

Seriously, check out the whole thing (complete with a historical quote about the phrase "to sleep with" from King Alfred). Miriam is definitely someone to watch and read closely - she conveys very important things about sex and its meaning, and is just a natural writer. And I love that she posted an ad on Craigslist as part of her research for the column.